Posts Tagged queer
Not relevant at all but this is my 100th post on this blog!!! Thank you so much to everyone who reads it, whether you’ve been here since day one or today is your first day reading. A special thanks also to Sparkles, Purple and Lady in Red for coming up with the idea in the first place and encouraging me to start this!
When the Boyfriend and I first got together and had just discussed the ground rules and parameters of how open our relationship would be, he mentioned it to a couple and friends and relatives of his, at least two of whom expressed the same concern: that it was all well and good for me to be okay about myself sleeping with other people, but that I might feel differently about things when the Boyfriend went and did the same.
To be honest it was a concern that hadn’t occurred to me, but when he mentioned it to me I realised that it was a valid once since in most if not all of my previous relationships – granted, the last one ended in August 2011 and I’d like to think I’ve grown a great deal since then – I have been a jealous lover. So I told him that when he hooked up with someone else, if I did react badly to it, we’d sit down and talk about it and reassess what our arrangement is – fairly reasonable, no? We both thought so anyway.
He came over this weekend – I was only gone for a week, stressful ferry journey back but very good and inspiring week away – and before he did so told me he had some “weird news” for me; when he got here (with his brother who was visiting him for the weekend) I asked what that news would be and it was his brother who told me that the Boyfriend had indeed hooked up with someone else the previous night when they were out. I was a bit taken aback, because it wasn’t what I had expected to hear (there’s a bit of an odd situation involving his ex and someone else we know going on so I’d expected it to be about that but apparently we’ve moved on from there) .
We didn’t really go into the details there in the kitchen – I’m sure his brother wouldn’t have wanted to know all the gory details anyway – but I brought it up during our pillow talk that night. I asked him what had happened and how it was, which I’m not going to go into here because it’s not my story to tell; and then we spoke about how I felt about it. I can honestly say I was actually quite happy about the whole thing, which even surprised me a little bit. There were two or three main reasons for this, the main one being that I no longer had to worry about my reacting badly to it, like his friends had worried I might, since that had been in the back of my mind; it means that the relationship is more in-balance, since me sleeping with other people when he hasn’t been could have caused resentment and a sense of unfairness; and also, I think it’ll have done his self esteem very good, which makes him happier and in turn makes me happier to. When we were first discussing these things he rather self-deprecatingly said that it didn’t matter too much since he only had “a theoretical chance at casual sex anyway,” which I disagreed with, but now he knows that’s not true.
So everyone’s a winner – he got some sex while I was gone, whoever this other guy is (he doesn’t know his name) got some too, I’m happier about or relationship and the Boyfriend seems to be as well. I don’t think we could ask for a better outcome to your partner hooking up with someone else!
This is going to be a bumper week for you, since (if I stick to what I’m planning to write) there’ll be three posts; two about my week away, and one about my weekend. Enjoy!
If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, or have trawled the archives extensively, you’ll remember my friend Magenta who lives in the popular European capital of Berlin. (Have I just sacrificed my anonymity?). I hadn’t seen her in an eternity and, with some expected time off uni, I found some reasonably priced flights in November and went to visit her for the last week of January. What a week!
My flight out was delayed so she picked me up at the airport; we went by hers to drop some stuff off and for me to shower and change, before heading out to a club called House of Shame. You can imagine what kind of stuff goes on at a queer club called House of Shame. There were a lot of drugs going about by the looks of things but I didn’t partake, there was a band and a drag show and the place – which was huge – was really busy and there were a lot of attractive people going about. I like androgyny at the best of times, so when my thought pattern looking at someone goes something like “Oh he’s cute… oh no wait she’s probably not into guys… and that’s their partner anyway I think”, it’s a good sign.
The next day saw us turning up at the feminist sex shop Sexclusivitäten. It’s a really awesome little shop located in the owner’s house, they have a little bit of everything going on. I wanted to buy myself some wrist restraints and found some I really liked, priced a very reasonable 15€. The salesperson saw me looking and said that they had a collar that matched them, which I’d already seen but which was a prohibitively expensive 65€ – making the set 80€. So I told her I couldn’t afford it and she said she’d see what she could do. I don’t know whether I was just quite charming or they were in a very good mood but in the end I got the wrist restraints and collar together for 50€, quite a bargain! This was followed by a very weird sort of gathering. It was a bit like a book group but instead of discussing a book, the group of maybe twenty or so people watched a lesbian porn film (as in by women for women, not two women having sex in a video marketed to men) together and then had a discussion about how it differed from mainstream porn and what could have been done differently or what could have been improved upon. It was hosted and run by Laura Méritt (unfortunately the article about her is only available in German) who is a really cool person.
Following on from this Magenta and I, accompanied by a group of four other first timers, headed over to a sex party. It was fairly well attended, 39 people according to the list I saw when we were leaving, which for a place the size it was is enough. The space it was in was really cool; on the floor you go in on was a small bar and lots of deep, comfy sofas, cushions and space to relax. Upstairs from that were two rooms, one much the same and one with mattresses and space for sex; and the basement floor, which was all for sex. Nooks and crannies full of mattresses and cushions with veil-y curtains between them to offer a façade of privacy, the odd box of condoms, lube and rubber gloves dotted around the place. There was a sort of ice breaker game that we were given a slip of paper about on the way in; the theme of the party was supposed to be light (hence, glow sticks on the way in) and you were given the name of an object that related to light. I was originally a glowstick (Knicklicht), worth 2 points; and you had to talk to other people to try to find das Lichtwesen (Hard to translate into English, it’s like an angel or celestial being or entity made of light). If the person you were talking to wasn’t the Lichtwesen, and their points were worth one more or one less than yours, you swapped slips of paper (and therefore also characters) and if their value was the same as yours, you could kiss. It was good for getting people to talk, and because the party was invite only you have to know the right people to go, so there were no creeps or weirdos that I encountered and everyone was really cool (and there were a lot of seriously, crazily hot people there, including some of the staff… one of whom Magenta had a cheeky little kiss with early on in the night).
Despite it being a sex party, I didn’t actually have sex with anyone (I know, shock horror. I’m as surprised as you are, believe me). Not because I didn’t want to, I think I just didn’t move quickly enough. I did however kiss a few people and also realised that my German is good enough to have all the kinds of conversations you would need to have in a scenario like that, which is quite encouraging. It was a really fun night even without sex, and it’s another reason to go back soon – and now that I know quite how quick off the mark you need to be to get that cute French girl, I’ll be better prepared!
That’s all I’ll write about in this post, but part two will – fingers crossed – be out on Wednesday and there’ll be another instalment about this weekend, on Friday. Happy reading!
I know it’s been all quiet this week and I didn’t even write on Flashback Friday – sorry for that! It was a reassy busy and stressful week that involved not only two exams but also a round trip of about 1100 km to go to an interview. Normal service resumes as of now! I’ll pass you over to Magenta’s follow-up post. – Dexxx
So, some of you may have read my first blog about how the “Rocky Horror Picture Show” at the age of 15 inspired me to: