Posts Tagged queer

Over and under

I’m just back from a lovely extended weekend with the Boyfriend. I had my last set of classes until mid-April and a mock exam (which I excelled in, obviously; fingers crossed I can pull off a performance that well the last week in May) on Thursday so went out and got drunk that night, and turned up at his very hungover the next evening, he helped me recover by means of extensive cuddling and we had a fairly early night followed by some morning sex.

This time it was my turn to be the one in charge, which I quite enjoyed and he seemed to like as well. The first time he properly dominated me I wrote how it was a bit hypnotic to be focused 100% on someone else’s pleasure; having someone else 100% focused on you is equally amazing, if a bit more effort. I fucked his face for a while before lubing up, pushing him on his back and getting on top of him. You would think (I certainly always did) that bottoming also meant automatically being the submissive one in these contexts, but that couldn’t be further from the truth! Tumblr provides us with some useful advice here, from a blog called The Healthy Dominant:

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Having a hand around the throat really does help keep the submissive under control, and it’s quite a nice sensation to have your hand there in the first place. There’s something quite gratifying about seeing his face turn red as he’s fucking me from below, and thanking me for spitting on him. (Actually he doesn’t like being spat on as much as I enjoy spitting on him, so we compromise and I spit in his mouth instead.) As we got closer to the end his breathing got faster and the thrusts became more frantic. “Come on, fuck me, really fuck me, do it like you hate me” and he did and it was brilliant. I came on his belly before he pulled out and we kissed while he finished off, then had a cuddle and some toast. Not a bad start to the day!

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Two-way street

Not relevant at all but this is my 100th post on this blog!!! Thank you so much to everyone who reads it, whether you’ve been here since day one or today is your first day reading. A special thanks also to Sparkles, Purple and Lady in Red for coming up with the idea in the first place and encouraging me to start this!

When the Boyfriend and I first got together and had just discussed the ground rules and parameters of how open our relationship would be, he mentioned it to a couple and friends and relatives of his, at least two of whom expressed the same concern: that it was all well and good for me to be okay about myself sleeping with other people, but that I might feel differently about things when the Boyfriend went and did the same.

To be honest it was a concern that hadn’t occurred to me, but when he mentioned it to me I realised that it was a valid once since in most if not all of my previous relationships – granted, the last one ended in August 2011 and I’d like to think I’ve grown a great deal since then –  I have been a jealous lover. So I told him that when he hooked up with someone else, if I did react badly to it, we’d sit down and talk about it and reassess what our arrangement is – fairly reasonable, no? We both thought so anyway.

He came over this weekend – I was only gone for a week, stressful ferry journey back but very good and inspiring week away – and before he did so told me he had some “weird news” for me; when he got here (with his brother who was visiting him for the weekend) I asked what that news would be and it was his brother who told me that the Boyfriend had indeed hooked up with someone else the previous night when they were out. I was a bit taken aback, because it wasn’t what I had expected to hear (there’s a bit of an odd situation involving his ex and someone else we know going on so I’d expected it to be about that but apparently we’ve moved on from there) .

We didn’t really go into the details there in the kitchen – I’m sure his brother wouldn’t have wanted to know all the gory details anyway – but I brought it up during our pillow talk that night. I asked him what had happened and how it was, which I’m not going to go into here because it’s not my story to tell; and then we spoke about how I felt about it. I can honestly say I was actually quite happy about the whole thing, which even surprised me a little bit. There were two or three main reasons for this, the main one being that I no longer had to worry about my reacting badly to it, like his friends had worried I might, since that had been in the back of my mind; it means that the relationship is more in-balance, since me sleeping with other people when he hasn’t been could have caused resentment and a sense of unfairness; and also, I think it’ll have done his self esteem very good, which makes him happier and in turn makes me happier to. When we were first discussing these things he rather self-deprecatingly said that it didn’t matter too much since he only had “a theoretical chance at casual sex anyway,” which I disagreed with, but now he knows that’s not true.

So everyone’s a winner – he got some sex while I was gone, whoever this other guy is (he doesn’t know his name) got some too, I’m happier about or relationship and the Boyfriend seems to be as well. I don’t think we could ask for a better outcome to your partner hooking up with someone else!

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Visiting Magenta Part 1

This is going to be a bumper week for you, since (if I stick to what I’m planning to write) there’ll be three posts; two about my week away, and one about my weekend. Enjoy! 

If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, or have trawled the archives extensively, you’ll remember my friend Magenta who lives in the popular European capital of Berlin. (Have I just sacrificed my anonymity?). I hadn’t seen her in an eternity and, with some expected time off uni, I found some reasonably priced flights in November and went to visit her for the last week of January. What a week! 

My flight out was delayed so she picked me up at the airport; we went by hers to drop some stuff off and for me to shower and change, before heading out to a club called House of Shame. You can imagine what kind of stuff goes on at a queer club called House of Shame. There were a lot of drugs going about by the looks of things but I didn’t partake, there was a band and a drag show and the place – which was huge – was really busy and there were a lot of attractive people going about. I like androgyny at the best of times, so when my thought pattern looking at someone goes something like “Oh he’s cute… oh no wait she’s probably not into guys… and that’s their partner anyway I think”, it’s a good sign. 

The next day saw us turning up at the feminist sex shop Sexclusivitäten. It’s a really awesome little shop located in the owner’s house, they have a little bit of everything going on. I wanted to buy myself some wrist restraints and found some I really liked, priced a very reasonable 15€. The salesperson saw me looking and said that they had a collar that matched them, which I’d already seen but which was a prohibitively expensive 65€ – making the set 80€. So I told her I couldn’t afford it and she said she’d see what she could do. I don’t know whether I was just quite charming or they were in a very good mood but in the end I got the wrist restraints and collar together for 50€, quite a bargain! This was followed by a very weird sort of gathering. It was a bit like a book group but instead of discussing a book, the group of maybe twenty or so people watched a lesbian porn film (as in by women for women, not two women having sex in a video marketed to men) together and then had a discussion about how it differed from mainstream porn and what could have been done differently or what could have been improved upon. It was hosted and run by Laura Méritt (unfortunately the article about her is only available in German) who is a really cool person. 

Following on from this Magenta and I, accompanied by a group of four other first timers, headed over to a sex party. It was fairly well attended, 39 people according to the list I saw when we were leaving, which for a place the size it was is enough. The space it was in was really cool; on the floor you go in on was a small bar and lots of deep, comfy sofas, cushions and space to relax. Upstairs from that were two rooms, one much the same and one with mattresses and space for sex; and the basement floor, which was all for sex. Nooks and crannies full of mattresses and cushions with veil-y curtains between them to offer a façade of privacy, the odd box of condoms, lube and rubber gloves dotted around the place. There was a sort of ice breaker game that we were given a slip of paper about on the way in; the theme of the party was supposed to be light (hence, glow sticks on the way in) and you were given the name of an object that related to light. I was originally a glowstick (Knicklicht), worth 2 points; and you had to talk to other people to try to find das Lichtwesen (Hard to translate into English, it’s like an angel or celestial being or entity made of light). If the person you were talking to wasn’t the Lichtwesen, and their points were worth one more or one less than yours, you swapped slips of paper (and therefore also characters) and if their value was the same as yours, you could kiss. It was good for getting people to talk, and because the party was invite only you have to know the right people to go, so there were no creeps or weirdos that I encountered and everyone was really cool (and there were a lot of seriously, crazily hot people there, including some of the staff… one of whom Magenta had a cheeky little kiss with early on in the night). 

Despite it being a sex party, I didn’t actually have sex with anyone (I know, shock horror. I’m as surprised as you are, believe me). Not because I didn’t want to, I think I just didn’t move quickly enough. I did however kiss a few people and also realised that my German is good enough to have all the kinds of conversations you would need to have in a scenario like that, which is quite encouraging. It was a really fun night even without sex, and it’s another reason to go back soon – and now that I know quite how quick off the mark you need to be to get that cute French girl, I’ll be better prepared! 

That’s all I’ll write about in this post, but part two will – fingers crossed – be out on Wednesday and there’ll be another instalment about this weekend, on Friday. Happy reading! 

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Submissive Sunday: Don’t dream it – be it: Part 2 – Getting the experience

I know it’s been all quiet this week and I didn’t even write on Flashback Friday – sorry for that! It was a reassy busy and stressful week that involved not only two exams but also a round trip of about 1100 km to go to an interview. Normal service resumes as of now! I’ll pass you over to Magenta’s follow-up post. – Dexxx

So, some of you may have read my first blog about how the “Rocky Horror Picture Show” at the age of 15 inspired me to:

 
1) Finally really knowing that I get quite turned on by guys woman’s underwear, suspenders and a fair amount of make up 
 
2) Going after your dreams, which in my case is having sex with guys in woman’s lingerée (there should be a “VICTOR’S Secrets” line!) and living my sexual fantasies….oh dear lovers!!…that calls for a whole other blog….strap-ons…nylons…teacher and school girl roleplay….gay sex….lesbian sex….cougar fantasies…I mean SOMEONE’S GOT to teach them, right?! 😉
 
…Where was I? Right…getting the action on aka “Don’t dream it – be it.” 
 
So it’s “just” about 18 years later, people have access to the internet on a regular basis and I am in my early 30s. 
It’s also 8 years of living in 4 different relationships as a straight woman, 2 girlfriends and living as a bi-sexual and lesbian, couple of shags and (drumroll!!!) 5 years and another 2-3 years of NO SEX AT ALL later. (How did THAT happen???!!!… It’s ME! I started consciously being sexually active when I was 11, ELVEN!!!! ..Right..I was all caught up in my spiritual work and ‘finding myself’ without any…let’s call them ‘mood-enhancers’ 😉 
 
For the past couple of years (when I had PLENTY of time – because I didn’t have sex) I was reading and hearing about all kinds of different ways of how people are actually expressing their sexuality. Men fucking men, women strapping it on, fierce finger fucking, men dressing as women, women dressing as guys, people living in polyamorous aka multiple relationships….Let alone the whole “gender-discussion” (YES! There are more than 2 genders! In fact there is one Native American tribe who has more than 45 genders!
You have the male and the female on opposite sides, being intersexed is in the middle and in between you find all different ways of expressing/being yourself.)
Also I was (and still am) watching a fair amount of mainly queer porn which was not only exciting but also quite inspiring. (If you have a vag and no nice big cock – just strap it on! And YES you actually can fuck someone with just your fingers REALLY hard!)
 
I also experienced 2 earth shattering life events which were both accompanied by one thought “I don’t want to die – I need to have more sex!”
So with the “Rock Horror Show” Inspiration and a (bare-)back-pocket full of newly acclaimed sexual wisdom I was on my way to the best place you can think of for getting shagged and having your most extraordinary sexual fantasies fulfilled: A queer sex party.
 
What to wear…? I went for a nude mini-dress…minor see-through in the boob area. This time just the dress, no nylons but classy as always: no underwear.
 
When I arrived on my bike I was nervous…fidgeting with my bicycle lock, checking my cell over and over again. “Do I really want to go in? What if it’s weird? If people are strange? If it’s a club where they smoke I have to leave immidiatly…!!!”
A mix of healthy worries and cranky excuses popped into my head. 
Suddenly 2 other people arrived, locking their bikes next to mine. Quick check: Young, stylish haircut, fake feather eye-lashes…guy and a girl. Party guests obviously.
“Hi” – HELP! They are talking to me…I was to frozen to answer anything. 
“What the fuck…” I thought to myself…”I will just have a peak and if it’s to tacky whacky I will be out of there in 5 minutes!”
 
I bravely followed the couple inside the location. As we were taking off our jackets my eyes got caught on a pair of nylons….on men’s legs! Gorgeous legs!!!
My eyes continue their journey up to suspenders and sparkly eyes that are to die for…accentuated by (drumroll!!!) eyeliner and mascara! 
THANK GOD I did go in!!!!! 
I rarely saw such a beautiful male body that was surrounded by the most gentle female energy – I actually felt more male than my opposite. 
The girl was quite cute, too! Short, stylish hair cut, tattoos (YES!!!), piercings, kind of the clean punk rock style I fancy….WAY TO GO!!! 
 
So we all sat down on the comfy huge couch in front of the bar and started chatting. GOD…the nylons….the face…the eyeliner…AND the girl…ooooft!!!
“Do you see anyone you like?” asks the punk chick. (I’ll call her P.) “Well, actually…the both of you are quite hot…”
“What do you think?” asks the girl her erotically endued escort. (Let’s call him E.) S/he looks up like a shy elf, smiling at me, looks down fidgeting with her beer bootle, looks at my face again…smiling. “Yes..”
…the three of us start fondling each other…P: “Let’s go down stairs…” …passing by the “play safe bar”, taking condoms, lubricant and an impressive amount of black latex gloves for the finger fucking action.
 
As we are making our way down the very “classy” black spiral staircase we hear the sound of hands spanking someone, people moaning and groaning…some couples are well hidden behind velvet curtains another lesbian couple is getting it on right there in front of us. (Awesome!…I love this place!)
 
“Where shall we go?” asks E. “How about right here in front of the stairs?” I suggest. EVERYONE who is going to walk down the stairs is going to see us! Love it! Exhibitionist mode ON! (I looove being the center of attention…and arousal.)
The three of us instantly start making out…hands are everywhere. The punk chick and I start kissing, I pull in E. closer, gently stroking his nylons. Our threesome is like one long erotic sex-flow. No talking needed. Oh, how I love touching boobs and looking someone deep into their eyes while I finger fucking them to pleasure paradise…even better, getting finger fucked myself from behind with a glimpse of mesh stockings. I fuck in paradise!
 
I don’t know how long the 3 of us were getting it on but it must have been 2 hours or so at least. I can say without a doubt that we were completely FUCKED afterwards 😉
After some post-sex cuddling we were getting ourselves together for going upstairs again: E. is getting dressed. “May I put your nylons back on you?” I ask. “Yes.” s/he smiles.
I slowly let the mesh stocking glide up his leg, one after the other, attaching the nylons to the suspenders…loosing myself in every moment the soft fabric is touching his skin. 
 
Back upstairs onto the comfy couch. 3 smiling faces…3 happy bodies, 3 pair of hands fondling each other. 
A bit later P. is getting ready to leave. 
 
E. and I decide to stay just a little bit longer. What quickly turned into a lot longer….
“You are sooo sexy.” I say. “You, too. I love your hair and the tattoos.” says E. We start kissing again…my hand finds it’s way to his stockings.
“Shall we go downstairs again?” s/he asks. 
 
Off we went AGAIN, passing by the “play safe bar” AGAIN, taking an impressive amount of black latex gloves AGAIN…
 
This time with just the two of us it seems even more intense: E. looks deeply into my eyes while gently letting his fingers glide into me….s/he gets really turned on..starts breathing heavily as my fingers make their way up his ass. …”Let’s masturbate together” E. gently groans into the action. Love it….!
It must have been ANOTHER 2 hours we were completely lost in the sensual sexual tossing tension right there in front of the staircase where everyone could watch.
Someone actually did: As E. and I were spooning another guy in woman’s underwear is approaching us: “Thanks for allowing me to watch…” (I was so optimally occupied I didn’t notice) “May I join you?” Sure! More guys in lingery! 
So there I was. Fucked. SO FUCKED…in between 2 male bodies beautifully wrapped in saucy underwear.
 
I left happy with a hickey and E’s phone number which led to another date and more fucking the next day – But that’s another blog to write 😉
 

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