Posts Tagged pillow talk
Not relevant at all but this is my 100th post on this blog!!! Thank you so much to everyone who reads it, whether you’ve been here since day one or today is your first day reading. A special thanks also to Sparkles, Purple and Lady in Red for coming up with the idea in the first place and encouraging me to start this!
When the Boyfriend and I first got together and had just discussed the ground rules and parameters of how open our relationship would be, he mentioned it to a couple and friends and relatives of his, at least two of whom expressed the same concern: that it was all well and good for me to be okay about myself sleeping with other people, but that I might feel differently about things when the Boyfriend went and did the same.
To be honest it was a concern that hadn’t occurred to me, but when he mentioned it to me I realised that it was a valid once since in most if not all of my previous relationships – granted, the last one ended in August 2011 and I’d like to think I’ve grown a great deal since then – I have been a jealous lover. So I told him that when he hooked up with someone else, if I did react badly to it, we’d sit down and talk about it and reassess what our arrangement is – fairly reasonable, no? We both thought so anyway.
He came over this weekend – I was only gone for a week, stressful ferry journey back but very good and inspiring week away – and before he did so told me he had some “weird news” for me; when he got here (with his brother who was visiting him for the weekend) I asked what that news would be and it was his brother who told me that the Boyfriend had indeed hooked up with someone else the previous night when they were out. I was a bit taken aback, because it wasn’t what I had expected to hear (there’s a bit of an odd situation involving his ex and someone else we know going on so I’d expected it to be about that but apparently we’ve moved on from there) .
We didn’t really go into the details there in the kitchen – I’m sure his brother wouldn’t have wanted to know all the gory details anyway – but I brought it up during our pillow talk that night. I asked him what had happened and how it was, which I’m not going to go into here because it’s not my story to tell; and then we spoke about how I felt about it. I can honestly say I was actually quite happy about the whole thing, which even surprised me a little bit. There were two or three main reasons for this, the main one being that I no longer had to worry about my reacting badly to it, like his friends had worried I might, since that had been in the back of my mind; it means that the relationship is more in-balance, since me sleeping with other people when he hasn’t been could have caused resentment and a sense of unfairness; and also, I think it’ll have done his self esteem very good, which makes him happier and in turn makes me happier to. When we were first discussing these things he rather self-deprecatingly said that it didn’t matter too much since he only had “a theoretical chance at casual sex anyway,” which I disagreed with, but now he knows that’s not true.
So everyone’s a winner – he got some sex while I was gone, whoever this other guy is (he doesn’t know his name) got some too, I’m happier about or relationship and the Boyfriend seems to be as well. I don’t think we could ask for a better outcome to your partner hooking up with someone else!
On Thursday night I went out with the LGBT society at my new university (Eternal student, me? Never!), met a lot of new people and had a very, very drunken night. I’m now actually off the drink for a month for Sober October, which I do every now and again. Anyway, I ended up meeting this guy in the club we went to who I had spoken to on a hook-up site I use a lot; we made out but as 1) I was too, too drunk and 2) he had work at seven the following morning, we didn’t go home together, but we did stay in touch.
His profile popped up again on the hook-up site the day before yesterday, and I thought to myself, I’d quite like to see his penis, actually, so I sent a request to see his private album. Yesterday while we were texting he approved the request; but rather than seeing naked pictures of him, I was confronted with a picture of him on a table, taken side on, in full bondage regalia. The caption said that this was for a photoshoot at a company that sounded suspiciously like a porn producer, so I googled the name of the company and the very first picture when I entered the site was one of him.
I’d made out with a pornstar. Score.
So I dropped the photos into conversation; his reply comes back “Oh, they are grim. You maybe wanna come over tonight?” before clarifying it was to “watch a movie” but that I was “welcome to stay over”, and we all know what that means. I think we can all agree that there was only one reasonable response to that question, so I brushed my teeth and put on my shoes and off I went. I met him halfway between his house and mine, he lives on the other side of the river. We even went through the motions of picking a film (Amélie) before we went to his room; we talked for over an hour, about various things, sort of general getting to know you chat. It turns out he’s not massively into bondage, he only did that shoot for the money but he does have a few other kinks that I’ll write about once I’ve tried them out 😉 ); and then since we were watching the film on his laptop he suggested getting into the bed to watch it.
“Okay. I’ll take my jumper off then, it’ll be too hot otherwise”
“There’s another layer under there…”
“Should I take that off too?”
“Well… I’m not suggesting anything”
I leaned over. “Well, I am”. I closed the laptop with one hand while grabbing the back of his neck with the other, and we kissed. The laptop went on the floor, my t-shirt came off as did his (impressive chest, by the way, but not as impressive as his hair which can only be described as a glorious mane) and things got hotter. There was a really long build-up which I loved, lots of stroking and licking and biting and scratching, he was very much a giver too which was really nice since I more or less got to lie back and enjoy myself most of the time. We only did oral this time round (he apparently has no gag reflex, by the way, something I unfortunately can’t claim though I do try). After he came he kept working on me while we heard his house mates coming down the stairs towards the kitchen, which is behind his bedroom. I think I’ve mentioned before that I can be quite noisy when I’m enjoying myself, so he reached up with one hand and covered my mouth, which turned me on even more and I came quite quickly after that.
In the afterglow he was just as attentive as he’d been during the build-up, still stroking and, well, caressing me, for lack of a better word, all over, it was really nice. I tend to go a bit like putty when I’m done so I was writhing about all over the place and despite having already cum four times that day (I had a boring morning and we only just got internet in my new house so I had full recourse to porn for the first time in weeks) and only having slept for two hours the night before (Night terrors and sleep paralysis) I was ready to go again not long afterwards but he had his first day of class today – mine is tomorrow, but we’re at different universities – so we went to sleep. (No night terrors or sleep paralysis this time which is good, though I had warned him about them). This morning we made out a bit but didn’t go further, but fingers crossed we’ll see each other again soon!
You probably remember my post a couple of weeks ago about the boy with big brown eyes – the one I actually had a conversation with, and my follow-up to that saying that he’d gotten in touch.
It was going well. He can even spell in text messages (I’m a firm believer that if you can’t spell, you shouldn’t write) which may sound ridiculous but it makes a difference. I hate getting messages written “lyk dis frm ppl who shd no better lol”. That’s not the point, the point is he texted. We were supposed to see each other at the start of this week (a date! What?!) but then he apparently lost his nerve; apparently I’d be the first person he’d met since a break-up “a while ago, and while it would be nice to move on, I’m not there yet”.
There’s a large part of me that just wants to scream GET A GRIP when I hear stuff like that, and an equally large part that wants to reply that the best way to get over someone is, of course, to get under someone else, but something tells me that would be inappropriate and go down like a lead balloon.
Of course we’ve all had break-ups, and I do sympathise because it isn’t always easy to move on, especially if it wasn’t you who instigated the break-up in the first place (and I know that in this case he didn’t, it’s one of the things we spoke about in All Night Conversation). But at the same time it’s frustrating as fuck to be seeing a break-up from this angle. It’s a weird perspective actually, not inside the break-up but not entirely unaffected by it either. I’d like to add “through no fault of your own” to the end of that sentence but to an extent it is my own fault that I’m affected by it since I broke not one but two of The Rules of Casual Sex (the third and fourth ones if I’ve counted properly) and look where it got me; frustrated, unfulfilled, in a position where I’m still dwelling on what should have been a one-off event a fortnight later. What’s the point in this post? Is it just a platform for me to whinge on? Probably, at least a little bit.
I know what you’re thinking. CUT THE CORD DEXXX. DON’T TEXT HIM BACK/AGAIN. I know that’s what I should do. I know that at probably I will end up having to do that. But, much as I hate the games, the chasing and the drama that go on, I do like the end result (usually), and I’m deluding myself for a while just now that one, there will be the end result I’m imagining, and that two, it’ll be worth it. I’m probably going to be proven wrong.
Another Wednesday, another night out. I’d been in a horrendous mood since Sunday – and those of you who know me know that I don’t do bad moods, so it must have been really bad – and was right in the mood for dancing, so Sonic’s flatmate and I went to the same place we go every Wednesday (“…try to take over the world!”) for a while. For a Wednesday night it was surprisingly quiet. Irish Slag and I had been in town earlier that day and I’d treated myself to some new clothes so was feeling overly-confident, for the first time in a while, and it went quite well.
Relatively early in the night a boy caught my eye on the dance floor, and his friend/wing(wo)man caught me looking and pointed me out. Then she went to the bar leaving him alone (pretty shit wingman) so I went to say “hi” (In the process also abandoning Sonic’s flatmate, which in retrospect was actually really stupid because she’d lost her phone.) and a song and a half later, we left to go back to mine.
For once – and certainly the first time since I’ve started this blog – I actually managed to land someone who was pretty much my type. Bisexual (another one!), big brown eyes, eyelashes like you wouldn’t believe, hair that’s naturally black, tall, thin, a bit twink-like, cheeky but endearing smile… anyway, we got back to mine and went to “bed” for some fun. My neck’s now in a state that it’s not been left in in a really long time but the hickeys themselves are really small, there are just lots of them, and he gave really good head. (I’ve realised I write this quite a lot. Maybe I’m just not fussy? Maybe I just really like getting head.)
But the striking thing was that between and after sessions (yep, I’m gloating now), we actually talked. Like, a lot. This coming from me, the overt cynic (but secret absolute hopeless romantic) who doesn’t even do cuddles and gets up and goes straight after. We were awake until half past nine this morning, having arrived at mine before two, and for most of the time just cuddling and talking. About everything, in that candid way that you can sometimes only be with a stranger. He probably knows more about me now after that one night than a lot of people who I’ve “known” for years. It was really refreshing and lovely to do that, if somewhat unexpected and very out of character.
We actually got on really well, have a similar sense of humour, I found him hilarious, he was at least polite enough to laugh at my jokes. At one point around six this morning (the time flew) I cringed at some pun he’d made – I can’t remember which, there were so many – and he quipped; “Yeah, whatever – it was you that brought me home so deal with it”. Fair point, well made. As he was leaving to head back to his I gave him my phone number, and I’m finding myself jumping every time I get a text (and admitting to it on the internet. Wow) but so far, nothing. And since one of the things that he told me about himself proved to be untrue, I doubt whether I’ll ever hear from him, but I’m still hopeful. Still, the whole thing has done wonders to lift my mood from the depths it had been since Sunday. I’ll keep you updated.