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do i want to start writing again? do you want me to start writing again? answers in a comment or to firstname.lastname@example.org
It’ll come as no shock – given that I haven’t written since April – that I’ve decided not to write on here any more. When I started back at the beginning of the year I did fully intend to go on writing as I had before, but my enthusiasm waned quickly and I never quite regained the spark or drive that pushed me to write as I had before.
It would have felt weirdly incomplete though to leave the blog just hanging there with an ellipses at the end and nothing to sort of tie up the loose ends; I don’t think I’ve got much to say really, but here we go anyway.
I’ve barely been having sex at all the last few months – my confidence isn’t what it once was, I’m not as happy when I look in the mirror any more and I just can’t be bothered with it, really. Dating, too, has kind of petered out. OKCupid is gone, Plenty of Fish is gone, Tinder is gone, and today I even deleted my Grindr account. I met a guy a couple of months ago though; of fucking course he lives in a different country (and I’m about to move – again – to a new city in a new country, as I got the job I’ve wanted since I was 14) but we talk every day and Skype every night and I like him a lot and he seems to like me too, and I think we both want the same thing which is both a nice change and probably quite healthy. So we’ll see.
So yeah, I guess that’s it then. I’m leaving the blog up at least until the URL comes up for renewal this December, it might disappear after that. Heartfelt thanks go to everyone who has read, commented, emailed, tweeted or encouraged me to go about writing this.
The nights are getting shorter and the days are getting hotter, which is great for having a social life but less great for getting things done that you’re supposed to do to be able to pay bills (I really hate writing invoices). The change in season seems to have brought along with it a change of habit, and at the minute I’m quite enjoying dating as opposed to hookups. It’s like the same thing (though the sex isn’t always guaranteed) but with more interaction and you get to drink as well, what’s not to enjoy? I’ve been missing out.
The last couple of months have been more or less devoid of out-and-out hookups – from memory, three – but there have been a lot of drink dates and/or coffee dates, which are interesting and enjoyable in their own way though can be hard to write about without revealing too much of the other person’s personal information. Other than some first dates which have never come to anything more than a night together afterwards (and one not even that), I had a two-week thing with a guy who lives at the other end of the city, seeing each other every other day. That came to a pretty quick end once his surprisingly well-hidden mephedrone problem came to light, though. Then again, there should probably have been a pretty loud warning sound going off in my head when he asked me to move in with him five days after we met (I said no, which you’d think would be self-explanatory but at least two friends seriously asked me whether I was going to do it when I told them).
Other than that, it’s all pretty quiet here at the minute. Friends are panic-studying for their exams – most of my friends are graduating this year – which means I can infiltrate their study environments to work instead, and I’m moving into a new flat slightly further northeast of where I’m currently living in the next few weeks. I’ll only have one flatmate, who I don’t know at all, so I’ll have to try and behave at least at first!
The day before Valentine’s Day I woke up very hung over. Where I’d been or what I’d done the night before I don’t remember, but I must’ve had a good reason for getting trashed. Anyway, as is my habit I ended up on everyone’s favourite bright orange app, grindr, and got talking to a cute-looking Australian guy who works as a steward for a huge Middle Eastern airline and lives in the UAE. He seemed nice enough, and asked me over to his hotel; however, astute readers will remember this was during gonorrhoeagate and I was unable to have sex, which I intimated to him. “Can you still cuddle?” Well that was adorable and endearing, so off I went. I’d only intended to stay an hour or so, truth be told, but we got on so well and he was so cute – in deed as well as in word – that I ended up staying, kissing and cuddling (and, yes, some hand action…) until he had to get ready to go to the airport.
Before he left he said that he wasn’t in my city very often but that he would let me know if and when he came back, and that he would try to come back soon. Yeah right, I thought, not really believing him. But when his shifts came through at the start of March, sure enough his request for a swap to a flight here had been taken up by someone who decided Milan sounded like more fun – and really, who can blame them? – and so last week, he came back.
I was really excited to see him again, and met him at his hotel on Saturday night more or less as soon as he arrived. We went out for dinner to a Russian restaurant in the city centre – I’d never been and was pleasantly surprised at how good it was, and how vegan-friendly – and then I took him to a bar in town I frequently frequent, before we headed back to his hotel. That night was hands and faces in some new underwear I’d bought for the occasion – I’m getting quite into knee-high socks at the minute – and the next day was spent almost entirely in bed, napping, fucking, tickling, kissing, rinse and repeat, until he had to get ready to go to the airport again.
He says he’ll come back again, and while there’s now some precedent to believe him, I’m not sure I do. Either way it doesn’t matter really – if he doesn’t we’ve had our fun and it’s a nice memory, if he does then great. There’s absolutely no scope for anything substantial, with him living eight hours’ flight away, but being together when we’re together is nice enough while it lasts, if it does. Once again, time will tell.
I thought I was getting off to a strong start on the blogging front this year with four posts in January and then I dropped the ball massively, whoops.
This is partly due to being busy – freelancing takes up a lot of time (most of which, I’ll admit, is spent on twitter but that’s not the point) and partly due to other factors. After my initial smugness at the same day test results coming back negative, the more accurate week-long results told me that I did, in fact, have gonorrhoea (of the throat) so I’ve been laying low for a bit on the sexual front. And another thing that made me pause and take stock of my life again is that after a long illness, my very close friend Magenta (who long-term readers of this blog will have read about and from here and here, among other places) passed away a month ago today, which has been really difficult. I never expected to be having to deal with friends succumbing to terminal illnesses at the age of 23, but then I suppose no-one ever does. Initially it made me think wow, life can just disappear, maybe start behaving… but of course, it was in no small part Magenta herself who gave me a lot of my self-confidence and along with KittyMama taught me to be sex-positive, and it would be a disservice to myself and disrespectful to her to ignore that.
Having only got the all-clear on the STI front on Wednesday, it’s been a while since I’ve had any sex; there was one non-sexual date last month – more about that next week, all things being equal – but other than that there’s not been an awful lot to report. Now that I’m back in the game I’m hoping it’ll not take long before I can start writing more regularly again!
Sticking with the theme of spontaneity, as I said in the last post Vegas and I just had a little trip across to a capital city we visited once before, two weeks after we first met back in 2008. It was a nice, fun if ruinously expensive trip (insane prices which can be anything from about 30% more to four times more expensive than the same thing costs here, and the exchange rate isn’t that great just now either).
On the last evening I had grindr open and a sweet-looking guy called L popped up to say hi. As it turns out, he’s from a linguistic and ethnic minority in the far north of the country which I’d been reading about the day before, and he was impressed and surprised to hear I’d read about them. “I absolutely have to meet you before you go back to your homeland,” says he. Fuck it, I thought, why not. It being the last night, there wasn’t much time, but I suggested we had a coffee (50% more expensive, by the way) the next morning before I left.
“I can’t – I’m working until 14:45”
“Okay, then let’s go for coffee at 14:47 :)”
He told me at which metro station to meet him, and sure enough he popped up right after work which as it turns out is at a nursery school for children of his minority; we got on the metro out to his area of the city because he had to meet his sister. When we got off the train he told me he was actually taking me back to his place (which he shares with his sister and three-month old niece) and he hoped I didn’t mind; his sister was just back from visiting family in the north, apparently, and hadn’t left the house for four days so he – and by extension I – would be babysitting while she went out. I met his sister briefly before she left, the baby fell asleep and L and I were left drinking tea on the sofa and talking.
We were talking for maybe two hours or so about our lives – we’re both pretty involved in similar political campaigns in our respective regions, he’s been in the media a lot in his country which is something I’m yet to be able to claim but then there are more of us than there are of them by quite a margin (38,000 versus well over five million) (none of that is relevant to this story) – so there’s a lot of common ground. And I learned how to say a couple of words in his language, which is unlike anything I’ve ever heard before and having done some Google work since then the grammar looks imfuckingpossible.
The next thing I knew I glanced at the time on my phone and it was already 17:00 which was when I’d told Vegas I would meet her at the bus station to head back to the airport and I got a bit flustered at the thought of missing the flight and being stranded outside the EU in a country where I don’t speak the languages. “I really have to go now I’m so sorry thank you for the tea it was great to meet you and I really need to go can I kiss you?” and he laughed and said yes so we kissed, briefly, and once more again on my way out the door. We’ve sent a few messages back and forth across Facebook, he says he might come and visit which would be cool if he does, and if not, well, it’s an anecdote isn’t it? Life as pre-blog.
It’s been a good week-and-a-bit for spontaneity and decisiveness here at Dex HQ. I’ve started looking at new places to live for the next couple of months; been applying for jobs in various countries, some of which I’ve lived in before, some of which I haven’t; I had a last-minute trip to somewhere very cold with Vegas last week, where we went once before shortly after we first met and managed to get banned from a museum (long story); and, more importantly for this blog, I’ve done two things that I shouldn’t have waited this long to do.
The first of these was to get rid of the guy I mentioned in my first post this year who I was kind of dating. The last time he stayed at mine he’d borrowed some jeans, which I got off him in the centre when I was out for coffee and cocktails with KittyMama the day before I went on holiday and I haven’t seen him since. I would love to be able to say I’ve not spoken to him since either, but the day after I came home he popped up on Facebook chat; “Hey, I don’t know if you’re still away or not and I didn’t want to tell you this over Facebook chat but I thought it was best to tell you as soon as possible.” He then goes on to detail how he has gonorrhoea which he is certain he picked up from me. I was equally adamant that he hadn’t, and sure enough on Monday when the tests came back I was negative, which I probably shouldn’t feel as smug about as I do. So, goodbye to him.
And the second was to end contact with That Guy I Was Kind Of Seeing; we had the long-awaited Skype I mentioned a couple of posts ago and my overriding thought through most of it was “Nope. Done. Done now.” I probably – definitely – could have dealt with the whole situation a bit better, though certainly so could he and I know we’ve had it drilled into us since the age of about 3 that two wrongs don’t make a right but at least there’s some sort of balance there.