Boyfriended, Open Relationship (Terms and conditions apply)

Adorable Bastard has had his title upgraded now to The Boyfriend. Yep, you heard it here first (unless we’re friends on Facebook), Dexxx is no longer single. Weird, n’est-ce pas? So how did this come about? It was me who was unsure as to where I stood after our last conversation and things still felt a bit up in the air, so I asked him outright – “What do I call you when I’m talking about you to other people? This Guy I’m Seeing seems a bit long winded…” and we settled on boyfriend.

You should all know me well enough by now though to know that this isn’t your conventional couple-type relationship. Back in the very, very early days of this blog I wrote about non-monogamous relationships and the negotiations surrounding them, from the perspective of someone who’d never actually done any of that. You can read the post here, and actually what’s described in there is more or less exactly what happened both in our initial “what is this?” conversation and in a couple of others since then. It was all amazingly straightforward (because The Boyfriend is a reasonable human being and we both share the belief that being honest about your desires is probably the best way to get them and being up-front about your concerns is likely the best way to avoid problems later on), actually, though just because I’m using the past tense there doesn’t mean that these negotiations are over – everything is always up for open discussion at any time, as it should be.

The agreement, then, is this. Both of us can, guilt-free, hook up and have sex with other people (as long as that person isn’t in a monogamous relationship themself); to this end I still have my grindr profile active but it does now clearly state on there that all I want is NSA, which brings me to point two. While sex with others is okay, dates involving other people are not – no going out for drinks/dinner/coffee with other people, because that – to me, anyway – suggests romance and emotional involvement which is not what we’re going for here. Terms of endearment, cuddles and affection stay between the two of us, anything else is Just Sex. This probably in theory (though isn’t something I’m too worried about in practice as I don’t tend to get a lot of repeat performances anyway) also means not sleeping with the same person more than a few times, because that also is likely to end up having some sort of emotional string attached to it. Weirdly – or maybe this isn’t weird, you tell me – that’s the side of things where I’m more likely to view something as cheating or betrayal; have sex with other people all you want, that doesn’t bother me. But don’t spoon them all night and make them pancakes in the morning, or go for coffee with them and ruffle their hair or call them darling. All in all, it’s an arrangement which I’m very very happy with and he seems to be too, so long may it continue.

(It should also go without saying that we’re vigilant about safety and I have a seemingly endless supply of condoms and about half a litre of lube at the ready whenever it’s called for. This also means telling one another what we’ve done, when and with whom so we can decide what we feel comfortable doing with one another in terms of keeping ourselves safe.)

We’re having a lot of fun in bed and out of it. I’m getting to explore my dominant side a little which until now has been quite dormant, which I’m really enjoying, and means I get to put the collar I bought when I was visiting Magenta to good use. Bite marks, scratches and bruises are all kept below the neck though. We’ve yet to actually tie one another up but I’m looking forward to that happening!

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