Archive for December, 2012

Looking backwards to look forwards

Last year I set myself what I then thought was the rather ambitious goal of having my most sexually active year; I wanted to have sex with 24 people over the course of 2012, and I’ve managed it (most I’ve blogged about, some I haven’t). Along the way I’ve somehow found myself seven hundred kilometres from where I started, doing porn at one point and having protracted dramas with various people at various points of the year, some of whom I ended up sleeping with anyway, some I didn’t. A lot of last winter and spring feels like a blur, really distant; and yet other things that happened much earlier are still in very sharp focus. Funny how memory works, isn’t it?

For 2013, I haven’t set myself any goals. Largely this is because I’ve just been to busy to sit down and reflect on what I want from this year and what I want to improve on, and partly also because I feel, really, where do I go from here? I’ve done a lot over the last few years and while I wouldn’t say I’ve done everything, I have done quite a lot of it. I need to leave myself something to have a mid-life crisis over in thirty years or so, don’t I? (Do I?). I’m not talking about life in general, really I just mean sexually. There are some avenues I’ve yet to explore, and probably some which I don’t even know exist yet but tumblr will inform me of in due course. I can actually already foresee one train wreck of a disaster coming up – my prediction is for sometime in about April but I wouldn’t be surprised if it happened sooner – but I’ll not give away too many details about that. Don’t want to spoil the surprise now, do I?

Other goals for the year are much easier to work out; I want to do well in this Masters course I’m doing, first and foremost (my course director put it very bluntly the other week when she told me, “your entire future is literally at stake here. But you’re doing very well”) and that has to be my priority until the summer. I also have a placement coming up and I’d like for that to go well, I want to leave and have the people that I’ve been working with still remember me a week, month, six months later; I want to take someone on a date, or be taken on a date, though that might have to wait a while for various reasons. There are a few other ones that I’ll not write about here at the risk of boring you all or giving too much away. But I do think it’ll be an exciting year, even if most of it for me is hugely uncertain.

Whatever it brings, you’ll be the first to know (especially if you subscribe in the handy box on the right of your screen!). Have a fantastic last day of the year, and an even better first day of the next one, everyone!

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Sam Gets Social

I’ve heard blogging described as being “like a diary, but you write it on-line”, and I suppose for some, that’s exactly what it is. But blogging, to me, means slightly more than that. It means writing your own blog and connecting with other bloggers who write about similar things; finding people with similar interests and viewpoints is all part and parcel of being a blogger. Several weeks ago, I found a comment from Sam on one of my blog posts, and I decided to check out his blog. It makes for some very interesting reading, and if you like living vicariously through others – and since you’re reading this we can only assume you do – then it’ll give you a very interesting insight into the life of a teenager these days and you can check it out here.  Sam flattered me by asking me to do an interview with him which was published last weekend; and here, in return, are my questions to him.

Why did you decide to start blogging?

Initially I started blogging because I wanted somewhere to vent. I never thought anyone would read it, and certainly no one would care about the stupid problems of a teenager. That really didn’t bother me though. That wasn’t what it was about.

Do you blog more for others or for yourself to have something to look back on?

Initially for myself, but then I started getting some likes and comments. People seemed to be reading what I was writing. From this I got into reading other people’s blogs. I found so many people, both similar and dissimilar to me. I found myself getting into other people’s stories. I began to love commenting on other blogs, as much as I loved getting comments on mine. I felt like I was a small piece of something really fantastic. Now I see writing my blog as doing my little part in the bigger picture.

What goals do you have for your blog? Is there a specific direction you want to take it in or are you letting it grow?

Whilst at first I didn’t really have a direction I wanted it to go in, I guess the more I’ve done it, the more important it has become to me. I became addicted to checking my stats. I’m kind of over that now, but I do still get a buzz when someone likes something I say, or has taken the time to read what I’ve written, or made a comment. There is still no grand plan though. I guess I will just let it grow organically.

Do your friends or people that you mention in the blog know that you write it?

No, nobody knows that I write this blog. That’s why I changed the name of my band in the first blog, and use nick names for the girls I date. I thought it looked a bit impersonal at first, but I think its really important to keep their (as well as my own) identities secret. I have considered telling people a few times, but I really think this would compromise things. Anyone I trust enough to tell about the blog features in the blog. I talk about my friends lives as well as my own. If I thought anyone I knew was reading, I wouldn’t be able to be as honest as I am. So for this reason, I will keep it to myself

You’ve mentioned that one of your bigger goals is to write a children’s book, which you’re working on now, as a sort of tribute to your brother. Do you see yourself becoming a full-time or part-time writer after college or later in life?

I really don’t know what I want to do with my life is the honest answer. I know I enjoy writing, but I don’t know if I am good enough. Writing the book of children’s stories doesn’t seem like work. They are mainly stories I have made up on the spot when my brother has asked for one. All I feel I am doing now is transferring them to paper, so hopefully other kids can enjoy them too. I am working with a very talented artist who I think is making the book what it is.

Music has always been my number one passion, and ideally I would like things to happen with my band. I know that’s a long shot though, so I am looking for something else; something more solid. I guess I’ll just keep doing the band thing until I finish college and uni. I’ve got some time to decide yet.

Your blog seems to show a lot of different aspects of your life – college, your family life, your band, your friends etc. Do you think you give a fairly accurate representation of yourself as a person through your writing, or are there aspects of your life you don’t bring up on there?

No, there’s really nothing about myself I don’t write about on my blog. Sometimes I wonder if I have gone too far and written too much. Like when I sleep with a girl. I didn’t plan this blog to be a sex blog. It was meant to be about the music and the band, but I wanted to write about everything else in my life too. I try to only give details about what happen between me and a girl if it is relevant. Like in my blog ‘Straight in to the lion’s lair.’ It was about what happened between me and an older woman. The sex was really full on and I wanted to show that without being too explicit. I hope I found the middle ground. I would never write about those intimate moments. Fir example with Sam (a girl with the same name as me who I have seen on and off for years. I don’t consider this important to the blog.

The other issue I battled with was that of my brother. I didn’t want to exploit his condition. At first I planned never to mention him, but it just felt wrong. My brother is one of the most important people in my life. Not writing about him felt like I was keeping a dirty little secret. That couldn’t be further from the truth. He is an extraordinary kid, and I wanted the world to know that.

Where do you see yourself in five years’ time? And in ten?

I guess I just want to be happy, in love, and doing something I really love. What that is, I don’t know yet. Maybe I’ll still be writing my blog. If I am, I’ll keep you updated all the way.


Here’s an interview Sam did with me. If you’ve ever had any burning questions, they might well be answered here. Look out for an interview with Sam on my blog next week 🙂

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Tell the world I’m coming home

I’m going home today – in about half an hour actually, I really should get off the internet and start getting ready but you know what Tumblr’s like – for a couple of weeks for Christmas and New Year. Unless anything major happens I’ll probably not have much to write about until the New Year, so I might as well take just now to wish you all a happy Christmas and New Year when they come!!!


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Happy Birthday to Me!

It’s not really my birthday but a year ago today, I woke up with a horrendous hangover and a missing bag and made the spontaneous decision to buy a URL and start writing.

86 blog posts, 39 followers, 13,268 hits and almost two dozen sexual partners later, here we are, SexWithDexxx’s very first birthday! Honestly, I have no idea what you can expect from me over the upcoming year, since I have no idea what to expect from myself, but I’m looking forward to (over-)sharing it all with you.

To everyone who reads this regularly, comments on it and recommends it to others, a very sincere thank you. I wouldn’t have kept writing otherwise.


Flashback Friday: Something to get your teeth into.

At the start of my final year of undergrad, the week before classes began, Tigger and her then-boyfriend and I, along with a couple of others whose names and faces I can’t even remember, went to one of the big rock and metal clubs in the city we were living in. It’s not my typical club, really, I tend to go more or less exclusively to gay bars – probably one of the reasons I’ve slept with far more many males than females – but I really do enjoy a good night out at a rock club. It’s the heteronormative environment I feel safest in, I think partly because it isn’t particularly mainstream so there tends to be a bit more acceptance there than in other places. And the music is good (generally), so what’s not to like?

Early on in the night a guy on the dancefloor caught my eye. Short, but as it turns out my age, floppy brown hair and small brown eyes, which come a close second to big brown eyes for me. We sort of smiled at each other a bit, unseen by my group of friends at least, then I lost sight of him in the crowd for a while. I was casting my eyes around looking to see if there was anyone else worth chatting up when I realised that his group of friends had reappeared next to ours, and he was there. He caught my eye again, he winked (I wish I could wink, I look insane when I try so I gave up on that a while back on the advice of some friends), and I smiled; he nodded his head to the side, indicating away from our respective groups of friends; and we came together and kissed. The people I was with found this baffling and impressive in equal measure, as they had no idea I’d even spotted someone so to them the whole thing looked totally improvised and spontaneous. Anyway, a few minutes of quite intense making out pressed up against a wall (me, not him), we left to go back to his.

As it turns out he lived on the same street as the big gay club in town anyway. I remember thinking, I’ll never get away from this place, my nights out will always start or end here. And come to think of it, I think they always did, until the very end of my time in that town. Anyway! We got back to his, to the bed, and somewhere amongst groping hands and writhing libs our clothes came off and I found myself on my back with him sucking on my neck. I actually really like having my neck licked, I think everyone does but it really drives me wild. He seemed to really like doing it, he was down there for ages though I never thought anything of it at the time. We got down to the sex – him on top, didn’t last long, was fun though.

Afterwards I went to the bathroom and then I came back the room was lit up with the blue glow of the TV. “I’ve put on a DVD to help us get going for round two,” he said. Brilliant!, I thought, watch some porn to get us in the mood and go again.


He had put on Vampire Diaries. What the hell? You have to be kidding. “This… is what turns you on?”
“Yep, the blood and the biting, it’s so sexy.”

I left. I can’t even remember what my pretext was, I think I might have been “working in the morning” or something, but I was out of there like a bullet. Each to their own, but really, anyone with vampire fantasies isn’t someone I want to be in bed with, I don’t fancy getting some sort of blood-borne disease in the bedroom, thanks. It also clicked on my long walk home that that was probably why he had spent so much time around my neck and sure enough the next day there were marks. Not your standard sort of hickeys or lovebites, oh no. It looked like a birthmark or something. One of my tutors even asked, in all seriousness, if I’d been in a car accident, and they took weeks to heal.

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On Wednesday night the LGBT society had a coach trip. Not a “Pensioners going to the seaside” style coach trip, oh no. The city we live in is only known as a city by historical accident, it’s really just a town that happens to have a cathedral and a university. But we’re not far from another city, an actual city, with a variety of bars and nightclubs and buses that run after eleven at night. So we went there to go to a few bars and then a club, and since I’ve not been out clubbing properly in ages (the gay “club” here is a bar with a dancefloor), I decided that it didn’t matter that I had a full day of classes on Thursday, and went.

It was a really fun night actually, some people who do a course that runs parallel to mine came along (the event was called “bring a straight mate,” so I brought four) and I met someone who I know on Tumblr in real life for the first time. Cheeky Fifth’s flatmates were there (he wasn’t), and we had quite a funny situation. His (bisexual, female) flatmate, F, and I made out at one point – it was inevitable, really, it’s been a long time coming; it didn’t go any further than that but still. When the coach got back to our shit excuse for a city, it was freezing. December in northern Europe, should have seen it coming really. It would have taken me a good hour to walk back to my house from where the coach dropped us of so F let me stay at hers. The next morning, dying of a hangover, I dragged myself out of her bed to go to uni and went to get a glass of water. At the bottom of the stairs in F’s house the bathroom is right in front of you and the kitchen is to the right, and when I was going down the stairs F was standing in the hallway talking to Cheeky Fifth who was brusing his teeth in the bathroom. Just at the point she told him she’d made out with me the night before, I walked by in my underwear. The look on his face was priceless.

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