Brown Eyes’ last night out in the city last night before she goes back to her home country for her sister’s wedding and then to continue her studies. Where did we go? You guessed it. We went pre-drinking at someone’s flat first and I had amazing drunken chat with someone I’d never met before which is always nice.
When we got there I saw Talkative Boy at the bar, and decided that was grounds for more drink. When I was stood at the back waiting for some other friends to get served, he saw me, smiled and waved; I stuck the finger up at him and turned away.
Then I drank even more. I sometimes wonder whether I’m in the early stages of some sort of alcohol dependency – not seriously, but I’m drinking way more than I should just now. Anyway. So I did that awful awful thing where I went to him on the dancefloor and asked if I could talk to him. I don’t remember the entire conversation but the scraps I can piece together go something like this:
-So what’s the fucking script?
-Since the time I saw you in your town. Actually no, let’s go right back to the start. Let’s play a game called “true or not true?”. Your name is D
-You’re from [this town]
-You haven’t, in fact, lived with a succession of relatives who kept on papping you out when they found out you were bi.
-… not true.
-Less than half the things you told me that night were true.
-Have you never lied to anyone just for the fun of it?
-No, and do you know why? ‘Cause I’m not a fucking sociopath. Why the fuck did you at no point just say, look, I can’t do this? You kept on fucking texting. You came to see me when I was working in your town! Why the fuck would you do that?
-Well should I not have?
– Of course not. It’s misleading. You just wanted to play with me – that’s not fair. You can’t do that to people.
Here things go a bit blurry because I was nearing the bottom of a pint (I remember him saying at one point that he respected me to which I replied that he didn’t, and he didn’t try to contradict me) but I more or less ended the conversation and sent him on his way. I think he won the conversation though, which doesn’t seem right to me. Still, it was his birthday night out and while I’m not generally vengeful or vindictive, I honestly hope I put a bit of a dent in it. It’s a rare occasion these days that someone has the power to bring me right down and feel like shit – I spent enough time feeling like that a few years go and I don’t want to ever end up like that again – but somehow he manages it. What a dick.
Still, kinda my own fault too. I let it turn into more than it was meant to be. It should have been a one night stand (and I told him that! “You were meant to be a one night stand and yet here we are two months later still talking about it. Because I actually fucking liked you, I thought this could have gone somewhere, and you just lead me on”) and I let get the better of me. Rules of Casual Sex… I really should get better acquainted with them again!
Anyway, Photographer and Presidentka helped me drink a lot more and we all left together when the club closed and got a taxi back to Presidentka’s where she stole a litre of vodka from her flatmates and then on the way back to mine we ran into Hitraya, who joined us back at mine for yet more vodka (WHY OH WHY DID WE THINK THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA? I HAVE WORK TODAY), drunken chat about religion amongst other things, and rice with cashews, ’cause apparently that’s a thing and I have ten kilos of cashews to get through before I move out.