Flashback Friday – Blurry Memories | texts from last night.

This’ll likely be quite a short post because I’m wildly hung over and I don’t actually remember much about this specific encounter. It’s also quite awkward to write because I think the sister of the buy this happened with actually reads my blog and I’m not sure whether she knows about this or not. Only one way to find out, I suppose…

What the occasion was I have no idea, but for whatever reason during my last year of high school a bunch of friends were round at J’s house. Come to think of it, we spent a lot of time there that year, which is weird because it wasn’t particularly easy to get to nor was it in a particularly exciting area. Her younger brother disappeared off to his room to watch a film at some point and I went in to see where he was not long afterwards – and saw that it was a film I quite liked, so I got onto his bed and watched it with him. As the film wore on we moved a little closer, then we were touching, and finally as the end credits began to roll he dived in for the kiss.

He was a terrible, terrible kisser and I have to say his oral skills didn’t improve any when applied to other parts of the body, but whatever, we got on with it/got off on it. It’s surprising that no-one walked in on us or came to find where I’d vanished to… maybe they did know what was going on after all.

Yesterday I got some insanely good news so I went out to celebrate – and got, as predicted, horrendously smashed on tequila and vodka. When I’m drunk I do this dead clever thing where I delete my outbox so I have no idea whom I’ve texted or what I’ve said to them. This morning, to be helpful and perhaps shine a light onto why I have a hickey yet woke up a) alone and b) in my own bed, KittyMama forwarded me a text conversation I apparently had with her last night, I thought some of you might find it funny. I certainly did.

Me: Fuck sake. I say to a guy,’back to mine?’ and he goes, ‘I can’t leave my friend’. Are people blind?!
KM: And retarded and cowardly and weird. This is why people like us are looked upon as gods and goddesses
Me: For being reasonable? Yeah, I can see why that would stand us in good stead
KM: And upfront and knowing what we want when we see it. For lack of a better term and I do regret using the vernacular of today’s youth, we have “swagger”
Me: Also known as “spunk”. Honestly. A 6 just turned me down. What is wrong with the world?!
KM: When a 6 turns you down it’s time to go home! Wherever you are it’s clearly a fucked up place and you have no right being there! Just booty call one of your 8s from your contact list and draw a line under “getting new dick” for the evening

What strikes me most about these text is that while I was barely able to walk at that point, my spelling and grammar are pretty spot-on. Priorities, eh?

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  1. #1 by kittymama on May 4, 2012 - 5:56 pm

    LMAO! this is why you need to get a smartphone! and we all have bad nights, trust me i’ve had a good few trainwreck nights myself. the key is to recognise them early and move on. but don’t worry, you will always have me to help you “recognise!”. oh, i went a little white trash there!

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