Archive for April, 2012

Submissive Sunday: Don’t dream it – be it: Part 2 – Getting the experience

I know it’s been all quiet this week and I didn’t even write on Flashback Friday – sorry for that! It was a reassy busy and stressful week that involved not only two exams but also a round trip of about 1100 km to go to an interview. Normal service resumes as of now! I’ll pass you over to Magenta’s follow-up post. – Dexxx

So, some of you may have read my first blog about how the “Rocky Horror Picture Show” at the age of 15 inspired me to:

1) Finally really knowing that I get quite turned on by guys woman’s underwear, suspenders and a fair amount of make up 
2) Going after your dreams, which in my case is having sex with guys in woman’s lingerée (there should be a “VICTOR’S Secrets” line!) and living my sexual fantasies….oh dear lovers!!…that calls for a whole other blog….strap-ons…nylons…teacher and school girl roleplay….gay sex….lesbian sex….cougar fantasies…I mean SOMEONE’S GOT to teach them, right?! 😉
…Where was I? Right…getting the action on aka “Don’t dream it – be it.” 
So it’s “just” about 18 years later, people have access to the internet on a regular basis and I am in my early 30s. 
It’s also 8 years of living in 4 different relationships as a straight woman, 2 girlfriends and living as a bi-sexual and lesbian, couple of shags and (drumroll!!!) 5 years and another 2-3 years of NO SEX AT ALL later. (How did THAT happen???!!!… It’s ME! I started consciously being sexually active when I was 11, ELVEN!!!! ..Right..I was all caught up in my spiritual work and ‘finding myself’ without any…let’s call them ‘mood-enhancers’ 😉 
For the past couple of years (when I had PLENTY of time – because I didn’t have sex) I was reading and hearing about all kinds of different ways of how people are actually expressing their sexuality. Men fucking men, women strapping it on, fierce finger fucking, men dressing as women, women dressing as guys, people living in polyamorous aka multiple relationships….Let alone the whole “gender-discussion” (YES! There are more than 2 genders! In fact there is one Native American tribe who has more than 45 genders!
You have the male and the female on opposite sides, being intersexed is in the middle and in between you find all different ways of expressing/being yourself.)
Also I was (and still am) watching a fair amount of mainly queer porn which was not only exciting but also quite inspiring. (If you have a vag and no nice big cock – just strap it on! And YES you actually can fuck someone with just your fingers REALLY hard!)
I also experienced 2 earth shattering life events which were both accompanied by one thought “I don’t want to die – I need to have more sex!”
So with the “Rock Horror Show” Inspiration and a (bare-)back-pocket full of newly acclaimed sexual wisdom I was on my way to the best place you can think of for getting shagged and having your most extraordinary sexual fantasies fulfilled: A queer sex party.
What to wear…? I went for a nude mini-dress…minor see-through in the boob area. This time just the dress, no nylons but classy as always: no underwear.
When I arrived on my bike I was nervous…fidgeting with my bicycle lock, checking my cell over and over again. “Do I really want to go in? What if it’s weird? If people are strange? If it’s a club where they smoke I have to leave immidiatly…!!!”
A mix of healthy worries and cranky excuses popped into my head. 
Suddenly 2 other people arrived, locking their bikes next to mine. Quick check: Young, stylish haircut, fake feather eye-lashes…guy and a girl. Party guests obviously.
“Hi” – HELP! They are talking to me…I was to frozen to answer anything. 
“What the fuck…” I thought to myself…”I will just have a peak and if it’s to tacky whacky I will be out of there in 5 minutes!”
I bravely followed the couple inside the location. As we were taking off our jackets my eyes got caught on a pair of nylons….on men’s legs! Gorgeous legs!!!
My eyes continue their journey up to suspenders and sparkly eyes that are to die for…accentuated by (drumroll!!!) eyeliner and mascara! 
THANK GOD I did go in!!!!! 
I rarely saw such a beautiful male body that was surrounded by the most gentle female energy – I actually felt more male than my opposite. 
The girl was quite cute, too! Short, stylish hair cut, tattoos (YES!!!), piercings, kind of the clean punk rock style I fancy….WAY TO GO!!! 
So we all sat down on the comfy huge couch in front of the bar and started chatting. GOD…the nylons….the face…the eyeliner…AND the girl…ooooft!!!
“Do you see anyone you like?” asks the punk chick. (I’ll call her P.) “Well, actually…the both of you are quite hot…”
“What do you think?” asks the girl her erotically endued escort. (Let’s call him E.) S/he looks up like a shy elf, smiling at me, looks down fidgeting with her beer bootle, looks at my face again…smiling. “Yes..”
…the three of us start fondling each other…P: “Let’s go down stairs…” …passing by the “play safe bar”, taking condoms, lubricant and an impressive amount of black latex gloves for the finger fucking action.
As we are making our way down the very “classy” black spiral staircase we hear the sound of hands spanking someone, people moaning and groaning…some couples are well hidden behind velvet curtains another lesbian couple is getting it on right there in front of us. (Awesome!…I love this place!)
“Where shall we go?” asks E. “How about right here in front of the stairs?” I suggest. EVERYONE who is going to walk down the stairs is going to see us! Love it! Exhibitionist mode ON! (I looove being the center of attention…and arousal.)
The three of us instantly start making out…hands are everywhere. The punk chick and I start kissing, I pull in E. closer, gently stroking his nylons. Our threesome is like one long erotic sex-flow. No talking needed. Oh, how I love touching boobs and looking someone deep into their eyes while I finger fucking them to pleasure paradise…even better, getting finger fucked myself from behind with a glimpse of mesh stockings. I fuck in paradise!
I don’t know how long the 3 of us were getting it on but it must have been 2 hours or so at least. I can say without a doubt that we were completely FUCKED afterwards 😉
After some post-sex cuddling we were getting ourselves together for going upstairs again: E. is getting dressed. “May I put your nylons back on you?” I ask. “Yes.” s/he smiles.
I slowly let the mesh stocking glide up his leg, one after the other, attaching the nylons to the suspenders…loosing myself in every moment the soft fabric is touching his skin. 
Back upstairs onto the comfy couch. 3 smiling faces…3 happy bodies, 3 pair of hands fondling each other. 
A bit later P. is getting ready to leave. 
E. and I decide to stay just a little bit longer. What quickly turned into a lot longer….
“You are sooo sexy.” I say. “You, too. I love your hair and the tattoos.” says E. We start kissing again…my hand finds it’s way to his stockings.
“Shall we go downstairs again?” s/he asks. 
Off we went AGAIN, passing by the “play safe bar” AGAIN, taking an impressive amount of black latex gloves AGAIN…
This time with just the two of us it seems even more intense: E. looks deeply into my eyes while gently letting his fingers glide into me….s/he gets really turned on..starts breathing heavily as my fingers make their way up his ass. …”Let’s masturbate together” E. gently groans into the action. Love it….!
It must have been ANOTHER 2 hours we were completely lost in the sensual sexual tossing tension right there in front of the staircase where everyone could watch.
Someone actually did: As E. and I were spooning another guy in woman’s underwear is approaching us: “Thanks for allowing me to watch…” (I was so optimally occupied I didn’t notice) “May I join you?” Sure! More guys in lingery! 
So there I was. Fucked. SO FUCKED…in between 2 male bodies beautifully wrapped in saucy underwear.
I left happy with a hickey and E’s phone number which led to another date and more fucking the next day – But that’s another blog to write 😉

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Submissive Sunday: Don’t dream it – be it: Part 1 – Getting inspired

Keep an eye out for part two next week. There are some really interesting-sounding things coming up on Sundays, and if you feel like putting pen to paper (so to speak) drop me a like at!

By “Magenta”

When I was about 15 years old I consciously started looking for guys on the street. Whenever I found someone that caught my eye my friends would always say “but he’s OBVIOUSLY gay! It’s written on his forehead!”
I went to a posh private school so I was surrounded by uptight teenagers wearing Ralph Lauren Polo Shirts, who were raised by there old-fashioned parents whereas I was living at a children’s home at the time. It was pretty much “Little Punkrock Girl vs. The establishment” person.
At the same time I also started fancying several singers of different bands who interestingly enough were all into wearing eye liner, putting some nail polish on and even going on stage in suspenders (Think of Ville Valo, singer of HIM in the video “Join me”. Ooooooft!).
But since all my school mates were brought up “nice and clean” there was zero possibilty of someone talking to me saying “oh, so you are…bi-sexual…lesbian….queer.” I think at the time I didn’t even know some of these words existed. Also it was the early 90’s so we didn’t have facebook, gay websites, queer blogs…nothing…even worse: NO INTERNET AT ALL!!!  This also meant: No googling your questions, key words or anything. (And no free porn either! How did I manage too survive?!!)
Then my openly gay music teacher thought that it might be a good idea for our class to perform “The Rocky Horror Picture Show” – The queer “Musical Extravaganza” which is all about stripping down your acquired limitations of how you express your sexuality and actually expressing….being what you dream about. To underline this theme there is the catchy song line “Don’t dream it – Be it” which gets repeated over and over in the end. “Be it” also includes openly coming out as gay, not identifying with your birth-gender aka being genderqueer and giving a crap whether your underwear should exclusively be worn by women.
So off we went to watch the whole thing on the school’s TV (I don’t know if that is actually legal for underage kids but thank GOD we did!).  Each of us got to choose a role afterwards. Since sadly I am in lack of a biological penis (luckily I now own a very pretty strap on version that expresses my male ego as well as matching my body colour)  I could not portray the part of the adorable, smokin’ Frank n Furter – the “Sweet Transvestite from transsexual Transilvania”. So my teacher gave me the role of Magenta – the loud, queer and crazy lunatic with smokey eyes, wearing a very short maids dress, showing off her suspenders (you might have noticed that I have a nylon fetish by now).
One of my best male friends P.  (think: a young Jude Law) ended up in a chair which we put on top of the teacher’s desk.
So far so good. Luckily I somehow had my suspenders with me, so we put my friend P. in them and of course I couldn’t help it putting some mascara and eyeliner on him. Think Jude Law in drag! Ooooooft!
3 Minutes later P. was up on the chair, on the teacher’s desk ready to perform as Frank n Furter, while my gay music teacher was giving instructions.
I will cherish this moment forever…
Suddenly the door to the classroom swings open and in paces the neat principle in his clean buttoned up suit.
About 10 Students were standing around looking a bit befuddled, the TV was showing a still frame of Frank n Furter and 2 of my best male friends were in underpants, one of them up on the teacher’s desk with make up and in women’s underwear…with the gay music teacher right next to their sides for the “final touches” 😉
I think my music teacher was very lucky he didn’t get suspended given the fact that we all were underage.
And sadly somehow we never got to perform the Rocky Horror Show at our posh and expensive little private school…Strange…(just kidding)  But luckily we somehow all got to see “The Rocky Horror Show” live one stange while they were performing in my hometown.
Of course me and my 2 male friends got all dragged-up for the event: I leant them my suspenders and I got to wear my 12cm high plateau boots with my latex pants and my matching latex corset. So I linked arms with 2 hot guys in suspenders and make up – one to the left, one to the right and we felt like super-queer-glitter-rock-star-transvestites from transsexual Transylvania as we were strutting through the main entrance….
Up until this day I believe the hole “Rocky Horror experience” opened my eyes, my heart and other body parts to the queer universe of being your shiny-rainbow-glitter-self.
Weirdly enough this experience was then followed by almost 8 years living as a straight woman before I “came out” to myself.
(Darn you universe! Trapped in a female body when I want to live as a gay guy. But hey… the boobs are great!)
Also people telling me “but you will never find a guy who dresses in woman’s underwear who wants to have sex with a woman!” really didn’t help.
Well guess what: I did! Not only once, but twice during the last couple of months…and I will keep on finding them thanks to the power of the glitter-universe and my magic wand (aka  “strap on” in the world of queer)…so bend over boyfriends, female lovers and genderfucks….for there will be part 2 of this story of how, where and when I actually got to “be it”….
PS: In case you are wondering: Today my friend P. is a well paid medical doctor, wearing a Rolex watch and starchy shirts and he is very straight (A ZERO on the Kinsey scale if that rings a bell. If not try it on Google. It’s 2012 and you have access to the internet you lucky bitches, butches, dykes and divas!)

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Flashback Friday – Crossdressers in the Cupboard

The youth group I mentioned in last week’s Flashback Friday turned out to be a really fun thing to go along to on a regular basis and though I really didn’t appreciate it at the time, looking back I can see that I had a very good (I won’t say “healthy”) sex life for a sixteen year old. The second residential weekend I went on with them involved once again, a bunch of LGBT young people with hormones flying everywhere staying in an isolated house in the countryside. Sounds like the opening to a really shit and predictable horror film, doesn’t it? It wasn’t.

I think, if I remember rightly, we were there to film an an awareness/coming out/ anti-LGBT-phobia type DVD for the health service but most of the weekend was spent just having fun in that way that teenagers consistently will. On what I assume was the Saturday night we had a drag workshop and so I ended up in a dress and make-up for the first time in my life (but definitely not the last!). There were very few boys there that weekend, I can only think of a few, but one of the others was a painfully flamboyant boy who at the time was called K but has since changed his name to L, so since we already have one story about a K recently we’ll stick with L. We were all a bit over-excited, running around this house, and L and I – whether by design or accident I’m not sure – ended up alone in one of the bedrooms. Against a wall. Ahem. We sensibly decided though that a bedroom anyone could walk into at any time probably wasn’t the safest of places to be at it so we ended up down the corridor in the boiler cupboard. Yep, I’m that classy. (What do you expect from someone whose first sexual encounter was at a church?)

The advantages of wearing dresses and skirts became obvious to me for the first time that night, in that you have almost unimpeded access to everything you need to have access to to have sex without having to actually get undressed in a cold boiler room in the middle of winter.

And wow, I’m all for sexual preferences, but to say that L was a completely submissive bottom bitch doesn’t even begin to sum it up. Had I been more experienced and adventurous I probably could have done just about anything to him and not only would he have accepted it, he’d have gotten off on it. It took a couple of attempts since I’d no idea what the hell I was doing really, and fell out a couple of times, but in the end we got there and I properly fucked someone for the first time. It felt great being on top, dominating, sort of powerful. Because I’m a far cry from being an Alpha-male, it’s a rare occasion I can find someone passive enough for me to completely take advantage of, so I have to enjoy it while I can, and I’m sure that it all stems from this one experience of fucking a boy in a dress in the cupboard.

After I moved to my current city I never really heard from him for a few years, though I got updates on his ever-growing level of campness from a mutual friend who sees him out and about sometimes. I ran into him a few weeks ago in a club on Barman night (I saw a lot of people from years ago that night, it was a bit disconcerting) but we have nothing to talk to one another about so we simply didn’t.

There we go, another tale from the archives. Submissive Sunday coming up, I’ve already had a few stories in and if everyone that has offered to write me a guest post follows through we should have some really interesting stuff coming in the next few weeks!

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Shooting Myself in the Foot

It’s half past one in the morning and I can’t sleep. Given that I started my final finals today and have another one on Thursday I could likely be putting my insomnia to better use, but no, here I am, writing on my blog and listening to Roxette.

Some of you will remember Sonic who has popped up once or twice in the past. Being a first year and living in university-owned accommodation, Sonic has no fewer than eighteen (count them) flatmates (of whom at least five are in some way Queer, at the last count). One of these is a lovely Iberian boy who for the purposes of this blog we’ll call Fofo, because wordreference tells me that describes him. Anyway, I’ve had a bit of a thing for him for a while – makes a change from the central Europeans– and on Saturday another flatmate of his and Sonic’s invited me round for some drinks and guitar playing. By which I mean listening to others play the guitar, I can’t play it at all. There was quite a crowd there but over the course of the night our numbers dwindled until there were only four of us still up. At this point it was almost five in the morning and the flatmate who had invited me up suggested that rather than face the walk home I sleep in Sonic’s bed, since she’s in her home country until this Friday and her roommate is sleeping with one of their other flatmates just now so the room was completely free. She then went to bed, followed shortly by the girl from the neighbouring flat. Fofo and I said goodnight, he went to his room and I went to Sonic’s, to sleep for a few hours at least before meeting Tigger for lunch.

I didn’t even have the light off before my phone beeped. Here we go, I thought, Fofo wants it in him. (Crude? Me? Never). It was indeed him. This conversation then happened:

Fofo: Good night
Dexxx : Sweet dreams. If your roommate starts talking in his sleep just come through here, the other bed’s empty.
F: Haha he is again snoring but me is in my PJ’s and cozy
D: Fair enough. Night then!
F: U comfortable though?
[he definitely wants it in him, think I]
D: Well it’s weird being in someone else’s bed (no jokes!) and it’s a little cold…
F: Haha it can be weird. I’m sure you can deal well with the cold
D: Well I’ll just have to!
F: Hum don’t be sad about it! I’ll see you tomorrow then?
[might as well be direct]
D: Unless you want to see me just now
F: You are just relentless now are you not?
D: Just being honest. Ball’s in your court
F: Hum fair enough. I’d like to go there but my prude side is still hard to deal with.
[uh-oh, he’s nervous, say something to calm him down a little]
D: I’m not saying anything like that would happen but I do actually quite like you. It’s up to you but decide soon, my phone’s about to die
F: I think I won’t go there for two reasons: you’ve told me you like me and if I went in there it would only be out of a carnal desire. Second: I’m still coming to terms with myself about casual sex. I am sorry if I have hurt or offended you in any way.
D: Don’t be silly, of course you haven’t. Sleep well.

(I’ve never been referred to as a carnal desire before, I think I like the title.) The next day he apologised again for potentially having offended me so I thought, we clearly have to settle this and went round to see him on my way home from a meeting. He somehow managed to say neither what I thought he would say (“I was drunk, ignore it all”) or what I wanted him to say (“Fancy a shag after all?”) but managed to rather eloquently highlight how I managed to shoot myself in the foot. “It’s not that I wouldn’t want to go to bed with you,” he said. “It’s that you said that you like me and I don’t want to mislead you, I think you deserve better than that.”

Well, that’s what I get for being honest I suppose.  I’m not trying to criticise him in the slightest because he was, after all, only doing what he thought was the best thing in the situation and I can sort of see where he was coming from. I think the lesson I’ll have to take from this is to be less forthcoming – or at least, more cautious with it – with people who I would like to get to know as more than a casual random fuck. You live you learn.

On a completely unrelated note, I’m thinking of starting up a new feature called Submissive Sundays; if you feel so inclined submit (see what I did there?) a story or article to do with sex or relationships to and we’ll see about getting it posted. It can be random thoughts, something you’ve got strong views on, a funny story to do with your sex life (past or present), or a response to something I’ve written, really anything goes. I already have two submissions and a third one in the pipeline, but if I get a lot of interest I’d like to make it a regular thing.

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Get a Grip, Dolly

Just a short one about something that occurred to me today;I head this song on the radio at work. I’m sure you’re all familiar with it.

Shut. Up.

At one point she sings:
He talks about you in his sleep
There’s nothing I can do to keep
From crying when he calls your name, Jolene

If your other half is in a relationship with you (which obviously they are, that’s why they’re your other half) and they’re unhappy, there’s someone else they’d rather be with and that other person wants them… why on Earth would you want them to stick around? Firstly, you’re making them miserable by being a selfish cunt. Secondly, you’re deluding yourself and setting yourself up for even greater disappointment for much the same reason. When a relationship is clearly over, why oh why not just let it the fuck go? I know it’s easier said than done and believe me, I’ve had friends shouting at me to “cut the cord” on more than one occasion. But really, logically, why?!

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Your Stories

This is quite an easy blog post to write as I don’t have to actually do any of the writing!! Here are two submissions I’ve had to the Like a Virgin competition. Enjoy!

From KM
The tale of my virginity is one I am very lucky to have! As a “straight” girl of 15 almost 20 years ago I was pretty much a total idiot when it came to sex. My teenage years were spent living in the country where I spent most of my time working on farms with cows and horses, so sex wasn’t something I thought was on the cards for a long time. However one night, a friend from school we’ll call Stacey here, invited me out on a Friday night. It meant staying overnight at her mums house ’cause I lived in the middle of Buttfucknowhere so parents spoke and all was arranged. When I arrived there was blaring music coming from the house and the smell of whisky wafting from the living room. I will add that this story does not start out well and in fact you would be forgiven for thinking this ends in a bloody mess. It doesn’t. You’re good. Her mother was wasted drunk beyond belief and staggering around the house with her also wasted boyfriend. Stacey and i disappear upstairs and she starts on the booze. I didn’t drink. I was a good girl! I owned a pony for gods sake! Anyways, we leave the house at 9pm or something ridiculous to get in line for a local club. Once inside i realise that there there were a lot of people in their underwear. But I had never been in a club before so i just shut the hell up and drank my apple juice (no joke). Within about 10 minutes of that first night club apple juice an Adonis walked towards me clad in a banana hammock and a bow tie!Ii shit you not it was like a bad porno! He was called A and he was a barman there. The staff all had to work in their underwear believe it or not. He was a body builder and i fell in love right there. At the end of the night he asked to come back to Stacey’s and she said yes. She had actually pulled one of the other barmen (they had been eating each others faces off all night) so I felt fine about it. We talked in Stacey’s room for about 8 hours. We slept next to each other for a couple of them fully clothed. and then he spent 2 long hours just kissing and touching me because I’m fairly sure he knew i was a virgin. He talked to me, he seemed to know if he went a little too fast and would immediately slow down. it was awesome! I didn’t know it back then but he had a really big dick and he was a skilful man with it. He was 10 years older than me, I know creepy, but i did lie and say i was older and my ID said 18 so I can’t blame him and as it happens we stayed together for 4 years. Engaged and everything!
So, instead of the horror stories I’ve heard from other female friends, I get to remember my first time as a wonderful and entirely new whole experience for me with a caring and skilled older man. If it hadn’t been for him there would be a lot of sad little toyboys out there today! A, I salute you!

And from EP.

I was 17 and seriously confused about my sexuality. 3 years prior I had a kissed a boy and a girl at a party but I doubt they could even properly be counted as it was a spin the bottle game that brought them about. I think I had got to the point where not knowing if  I was attracted to guys or girls had stressed me out so much that i had kinda given up and decided it was something I could sort out later. I assumed like most of my girlfriends that i would get drunk at a party and some guy would hit on me and I’d just think “screw it” and do it!
So one Thursday night I was in my horrible student bedsit and there’s a knock at the door. The girl downstairs’ television had gone “bang” and she didn’t have credit in her phone so she asked if she could use mine. I remember looking at her at the door and not really having an opinion on her, she was just a slightly rattled girl who wanted to call her dad, presumably for a new TV. I took her to my room gave her my phone and sat down to watch telly. At the end of the call she realised I was watching a particular show and started chatting about it so I invited her to stay and offered her a cup of tea as is the ritual in these circumstances. The loss of a TV is something we all have to go though at some stage. She was wearing a long black towelling dressing gown and slippers but when she curled her legs up on the couch, the robe slipped and her legs were outstanding! I wanted to lean over right then and just lick them. And then of course I look up and she’s looking at me and smiling. Busted! We talked ’til the early hours and then as I was walking her to the door and hating myself for it, she stopped, put her hand on my cheek and kissed me. I don’t think I have ever felt that same kind of lust and pleasure since. We stayed in bed for 30 hours and it was the steepest learning curve I ever experienced but so, so worth it. Later that same year I had sex with  guy, at a party with a few drinks in me. First and last time.

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Flashback Friday 1

I’ve been reading old emails to friends about this from when it happened. My grammar was appalling when I was at school, it would seem.
This happened towards the end of my last year at school, in the June, shortly before the summer break started. My best friend had introduced me to an LGBT youth group they went to in the capital (the village I’m from is quite near) and I stated to attend, and somehow very quickly found myself getting really involved in it. For whatever reason my friend and I ended up at a meeting in the city I now live in – I think I was briefly on some sort of committee, come to think of it, I really should remember since it was less than six years ago – and there were two other people there from around this area, C and D. I was still young and finding my feet and hadn’t really thought what “my type” was, but I knew D really wasn’t. C, on the other hand, was worth a look. He was a bit younger than me, very short – like 160 cm or something – with floppy blonde hair. I’m not massively into blondes really, I’ve only slept with five of them, but I do quite like floppy hair (9 of them).

At the meeting we played footsie under the table, which I’m sure didn’t pass unnoticed; afterwards we swapped phone numbers, and at a residential weekend somewhere quite far from both cities – no idea where, it was rural, there was a lake involved – and on the first night everyone that was there was outside on the terrace thing around the back of the house we were staying in. As the evening wore on more and more people headed to bed until eventually it was just us two and an older “young person” outside, who eventually – when C was sitting on me – cottoned on to what we were up to and went to bed as well, at about 4 in the morning. C and I started making out then on the chair, and when it fell over, he took me by the hand and took me around the side of the house where there were no windows, beside a pile of firewood, where oral sex happened. I don’t think it lasted very long (I had only just turned 17 a few weeks before, you remember what it’s like when you’re that age), though I do remember he had a really really small dick, luckily the smallest I’ve had to deal with.

The rest of the weekend we didn’t get any more action on, we kissed when we thought no-one was looking and shared a three-berth bunk bed with four other people the following night and spooned the whole time. I can’t have gotten much sleep if my emails are telling the truth because apparently I only slept 7 hours the whole weekend, but he was out like a light and what I do remember is his body temperature soaring when he was asleep, he was like a fucking radiator.

I only saw him once after that weekend, very briefly, at a Pride event the following month, where we barely spoke. I was so hung up about it at the time – I thought I was a bit of an emo, I wasn’t really though – and reading these emails back it seems like I went on about it for much longer than I remember doing. Funny how something that seemed like such a huge deal at the time, I can barely remember now. As far as I know C now lives in a city about 550 km away and doesn’t seem to be in touch with anyone from back then at all any more.

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