Archive for April, 2012
I know it’s been all quiet this week and I didn’t even write on Flashback Friday – sorry for that! It was a reassy busy and stressful week that involved not only two exams but also a round trip of about 1100 km to go to an interview. Normal service resumes as of now! I’ll pass you over to Magenta’s follow-up post. – Dexxx
So, some of you may have read my first blog about how the “Rocky Horror Picture Show” at the age of 15 inspired me to:
Keep an eye out for part two next week. There are some really interesting-sounding things coming up on Sundays, and if you feel like putting pen to paper (so to speak) drop me a like at email@example.com!
It’s half past one in the morning and I can’t sleep. Given that I started my final finals today and have another one on Thursday I could likely be putting my insomnia to better use, but no, here I am, writing on my blog and listening to Roxette.
Some of you will remember Sonic who has popped up once or twice in the past. Being a first year and living in university-owned accommodation, Sonic has no fewer than eighteen (count them) flatmates (of whom at least five are in some way Queer, at the last count). One of these is a lovely Iberian boy who for the purposes of this blog we’ll call Fofo, because wordreference tells me that describes him. Anyway, I’ve had a bit of a thing for him for a while – makes a change from the central Europeans– and on Saturday another flatmate of his and Sonic’s invited me round for some drinks and guitar playing. By which I mean listening to others play the guitar, I can’t play it at all. There was quite a crowd there but over the course of the night our numbers dwindled until there were only four of us still up. At this point it was almost five in the morning and the flatmate who had invited me up suggested that rather than face the walk home I sleep in Sonic’s bed, since she’s in her home country until this Friday and her roommate is sleeping with one of their other flatmates just now so the room was completely free. She then went to bed, followed shortly by the girl from the neighbouring flat. Fofo and I said goodnight, he went to his room and I went to Sonic’s, to sleep for a few hours at least before meeting Tigger for lunch.
I didn’t even have the light off before my phone beeped. Here we go, I thought, Fofo wants it in him. (Crude? Me? Never). It was indeed him. This conversation then happened:
Fofo: Good night
Dexxx : Sweet dreams. If your roommate starts talking in his sleep just come through here, the other bed’s empty.
F: Haha he is again snoring but me is in my PJ’s and cozy
D: Fair enough. Night then!
F: U comfortable though?
[he definitely wants it in him, think I]
D: Well it’s weird being in someone else’s bed (no jokes!) and it’s a little cold…
F: Haha it can be weird. I’m sure you can deal well with the cold
D: Well I’ll just have to!
F: Hum don’t be sad about it! I’ll see you tomorrow then?
[might as well be direct]
D: Unless you want to see me just now
F: You are just relentless now are you not?
D: Just being honest. Ball’s in your court
F: Hum fair enough. I’d like to go there but my prude side is still hard to deal with.
[uh-oh, he’s nervous, say something to calm him down a little]
D: I’m not saying anything like that would happen but I do actually quite like you. It’s up to you but decide soon, my phone’s about to die
F: I think I won’t go there for two reasons: you’ve told me you like me and if I went in there it would only be out of a carnal desire. Second: I’m still coming to terms with myself about casual sex. I am sorry if I have hurt or offended you in any way.
D: Don’t be silly, of course you haven’t. Sleep well.
(I’ve never been referred to as a carnal desire before, I think I like the title.) The next day he apologised again for potentially having offended me so I thought, we clearly have to settle this and went round to see him on my way home from a meeting. He somehow managed to say neither what I thought he would say (“I was drunk, ignore it all”) or what I wanted him to say (“Fancy a shag after all?”) but managed to rather eloquently highlight how I managed to shoot myself in the foot. “It’s not that I wouldn’t want to go to bed with you,” he said. “It’s that you said that you like me and I don’t want to mislead you, I think you deserve better than that.”
Well, that’s what I get for being honest I suppose. I’m not trying to criticise him in the slightest because he was, after all, only doing what he thought was the best thing in the situation and I can sort of see where he was coming from. I think the lesson I’ll have to take from this is to be less forthcoming – or at least, more cautious with it – with people who I would like to get to know as more than a casual random fuck. You live you learn.
On a completely unrelated note, I’m thinking of starting up a new feature called Submissive Sundays; if you feel so inclined submit (see what I did there?) a story or article to do with sex or relationships to tripleXdexxx@gmail.com and we’ll see about getting it posted. It can be random thoughts, something you’ve got strong views on, a funny story to do with your sex life (past or present), or a response to something I’ve written, really anything goes. I already have two submissions and a third one in the pipeline, but if I get a lot of interest I’d like to make it a regular thing.
Just a short one about something that occurred to me today;I head this song on the radio at work. I’m sure you’re all familiar with it.
At one point she sings:
He talks about you in his sleep
There’s nothing I can do to keep
From crying when he calls your name, Jolene
If your other half is in a relationship with you (which obviously they are, that’s why they’re your other half) and they’re unhappy, there’s someone else they’d rather be with and that other person wants them… why on Earth would you want them to stick around? Firstly, you’re making them miserable by being a selfish cunt. Secondly, you’re deluding yourself and setting yourself up for even greater disappointment for much the same reason. When a relationship is clearly over, why oh why not just let it the fuck go? I know it’s easier said than done and believe me, I’ve had friends shouting at me to “cut the cord” on more than one occasion. But really, logically, why?!
This is quite an easy blog post to write as I don’t have to actually do any of the writing!! Here are two submissions I’ve had to the Like a Virgin competition. Enjoy!
The tale of my virginity is one I am very lucky to have! As a “straight” girl of 15 almost 20 years ago I was pretty much a total idiot when it came to sex. My teenage years were spent living in the country where I spent most of my time working on farms with cows and horses, so sex wasn’t something I thought was on the cards for a long time. However one night, a friend from school we’ll call Stacey here, invited me out on a Friday night. It meant staying overnight at her mums house ’cause I lived in the middle of Buttfucknowhere so parents spoke and all was arranged. When I arrived there was blaring music coming from the house and the smell of whisky wafting from the living room. I will add that this story does not start out well and in fact you would be forgiven for thinking this ends in a bloody mess. It doesn’t. You’re good. Her mother was wasted drunk beyond belief and staggering around the house with her also wasted boyfriend. Stacey and i disappear upstairs and she starts on the booze. I didn’t drink. I was a good girl! I owned a pony for gods sake! Anyways, we leave the house at 9pm or something ridiculous to get in line for a local club. Once inside i realise that there there were a lot of people in their underwear. But I had never been in a club before so i just shut the hell up and drank my apple juice (no joke). Within about 10 minutes of that first night club apple juice an Adonis walked towards me clad in a banana hammock and a bow tie!Ii shit you not it was like a bad porno! He was called A and he was a barman there. The staff all had to work in their underwear believe it or not. He was a body builder and i fell in love right there. At the end of the night he asked to come back to Stacey’s and she said yes. She had actually pulled one of the other barmen (they had been eating each others faces off all night) so I felt fine about it. We talked in Stacey’s room for about 8 hours. We slept next to each other for a couple of them fully clothed. and then he spent 2 long hours just kissing and touching me because I’m fairly sure he knew i was a virgin. He talked to me, he seemed to know if he went a little too fast and would immediately slow down. it was awesome! I didn’t know it back then but he had a really big dick and he was a skilful man with it. He was 10 years older than me, I know creepy, but i did lie and say i was older and my ID said 18 so I can’t blame him and as it happens we stayed together for 4 years. Engaged and everything!
So, instead of the horror stories I’ve heard from other female friends, I get to remember my first time as a wonderful and entirely new whole experience for me with a caring and skilled older man. If it hadn’t been for him there would be a lot of sad little toyboys out there today! A, I salute you!
And from EP.
I was 17 and seriously confused about my sexuality. 3 years prior I had a kissed a boy and a girl at a party but I doubt they could even properly be counted as it was a spin the bottle game that brought them about. I think I had got to the point where not knowing if I was attracted to guys or girls had stressed me out so much that i had kinda given up and decided it was something I could sort out later. I assumed like most of my girlfriends that i would get drunk at a party and some guy would hit on me and I’d just think “screw it” and do it!
So one Thursday night I was in my horrible student bedsit and there’s a knock at the door. The girl downstairs’ television had gone “bang” and she didn’t have credit in her phone so she asked if she could use mine. I remember looking at her at the door and not really having an opinion on her, she was just a slightly rattled girl who wanted to call her dad, presumably for a new TV. I took her to my room gave her my phone and sat down to watch telly. At the end of the call she realised I was watching a particular show and started chatting about it so I invited her to stay and offered her a cup of tea as is the ritual in these circumstances. The loss of a TV is something we all have to go though at some stage. She was wearing a long black towelling dressing gown and slippers but when she curled her legs up on the couch, the robe slipped and her legs were outstanding! I wanted to lean over right then and just lick them. And then of course I look up and she’s looking at me and smiling. Busted! We talked ’til the early hours and then as I was walking her to the door and hating myself for it, she stopped, put her hand on my cheek and kissed me. I don’t think I have ever felt that same kind of lust and pleasure since. We stayed in bed for 30 hours and it was the steepest learning curve I ever experienced but so, so worth it. Later that same year I had sex with guy, at a party with a few drinks in me. First and last time.
I’ve been reading old emails to friends about this from when it happened. My grammar was appalling when I was at school, it would seem.
This happened towards the end of my last year at school, in the June, shortly before the summer break started. My best friend had introduced me to an LGBT youth group they went to in the capital (the village I’m from is quite near) and I stated to attend, and somehow very quickly found myself getting really involved in it. For whatever reason my friend and I ended up at a meeting in the city I now live in – I think I was briefly on some sort of committee, come to think of it, I really should remember since it was less than six years ago – and there were two other people there from around this area, C and D. I was still young and finding my feet and hadn’t really thought what “my type” was, but I knew D really wasn’t. C, on the other hand, was worth a look. He was a bit younger than me, very short – like 160 cm or something – with floppy blonde hair. I’m not massively into blondes really, I’ve only slept with five of them, but I do quite like floppy hair (9 of them).
At the meeting we played footsie under the table, which I’m sure didn’t pass unnoticed; afterwards we swapped phone numbers, and at a residential weekend somewhere quite far from both cities – no idea where, it was rural, there was a lake involved – and on the first night everyone that was there was outside on the terrace thing around the back of the house we were staying in. As the evening wore on more and more people headed to bed until eventually it was just us two and an older “young person” outside, who eventually – when C was sitting on me – cottoned on to what we were up to and went to bed as well, at about 4 in the morning. C and I started making out then on the chair, and when it fell over, he took me by the hand and took me around the side of the house where there were no windows, beside a pile of firewood, where oral sex happened. I don’t think it lasted very long (I had only just turned 17 a few weeks before, you remember what it’s like when you’re that age), though I do remember he had a really really small dick, luckily the smallest I’ve had to deal with.
The rest of the weekend we didn’t get any more action on, we kissed when we thought no-one was looking and shared a three-berth bunk bed with four other people the following night and spooned the whole time. I can’t have gotten much sleep if my emails are telling the truth because apparently I only slept 7 hours the whole weekend, but he was out like a light and what I do remember is his body temperature soaring when he was asleep, he was like a fucking radiator.
I only saw him once after that weekend, very briefly, at a Pride event the following month, where we barely spoke. I was so hung up about it at the time – I thought I was a bit of an emo, I wasn’t really though – and reading these emails back it seems like I went on about it for much longer than I remember doing. Funny how something that seemed like such a huge deal at the time, I can barely remember now. As far as I know C now lives in a city about 550 km away and doesn’t seem to be in touch with anyone from back then at all any more.