You probably remember my post a couple of weeks ago about the boy with big brown eyes – the one I actually had a conversation with, and my follow-up to that saying that he’d gotten in touch.
It was going well. He can even spell in text messages (I’m a firm believer that if you can’t spell, you shouldn’t write) which may sound ridiculous but it makes a difference. I hate getting messages written “lyk dis frm ppl who shd no better lol”. That’s not the point, the point is he texted. We were supposed to see each other at the start of this week (a date! What?!) but then he apparently lost his nerve; apparently I’d be the first person he’d met since a break-up “a while ago, and while it would be nice to move on, I’m not there yet”.
There’s a large part of me that just wants to scream GET A GRIP when I hear stuff like that, and an equally large part that wants to reply that the best way to get over someone is, of course, to get under someone else, but something tells me that would be inappropriate and go down like a lead balloon.
Of course we’ve all had break-ups, and I do sympathise because it isn’t always easy to move on, especially if it wasn’t you who instigated the break-up in the first place (and I know that in this case he didn’t, it’s one of the things we spoke about in All Night Conversation). But at the same time it’s frustrating as fuck to be seeing a break-up from this angle. It’s a weird perspective actually, not inside the break-up but not entirely unaffected by it either. I’d like to add “through no fault of your own” to the end of that sentence but to an extent it is my own fault that I’m affected by it since I broke not one but two of The Rules of Casual Sex (the third and fourth ones if I’ve counted properly) and look where it got me; frustrated, unfulfilled, in a position where I’m still dwelling on what should have been a one-off event a fortnight later. What’s the point in this post? Is it just a platform for me to whinge on? Probably, at least a little bit.
I know what you’re thinking. CUT THE CORD DEXXX. DON’T TEXT HIM BACK/AGAIN. I know that’s what I should do. I know that at probably I will end up having to do that. But, much as I hate the games, the chasing and the drama that go on, I do like the end result (usually), and I’m deluding myself for a while just now that one, there will be the end result I’m imagining, and that two, it’ll be worth it. I’m probably going to be proven wrong.