I’m quite liking plagiarising from songs to get my blog titles. I assume this one needs no introduction since if you’ve listened to the radio or been to a club anywhere in the Western world you probably know it.
Sparkles mentioned something recently about wearing sexy underwear every day and it set the old wheels (in my head) in motion about the whole concept of sexiness and how often we get it wrong. Feeling sexy is, in my opinion, vital to not only a good sex life (not that I’m one to talk about that at the minute – been a while) but also a healthy self-image in general.
Sexiness means different things to different people – just like having preferences for blonds, brunettes, tall people, people in glasses etc., it varies from person to person, though we can recognise broad trends; by looking at magazine covers we can see that for the majority of heterosexual men, thin blond women with big boobs are sexy. But we can’t often apply the criteria we have for the opposite sex on ourselves to judge our own sexiness (since the vast majority of people are seemingly attracted only to the opposite sex and the people that buy Nuts magazine more than likely don’t want to look like the people whose photos they’re paying for). I think that ultimately, sexiness stems from how you feel about yourself. If you believe yourself to be desirable, attractive, and, well, sexy, and act accordingly, people will take notice. You begin to exude a certain sexiness that comes only from self-confidence (not to be confused with arrogance, though sometimes it’s a fine line and one which we’re all guilty of crossing at times), which is something that no amount of good genes can do for you.I’m speaking from experience here; until perhaps a year ago I had a horrendously bad body image, and whenever someone paid attention to me in that way it baffled me more than anything. A shift in perceptions can work wonders.
How do you go about developing this strong self-confident image of yourself? It’s not always easy. I’m going to assume that all of us, at some point in our lives, have felt desirable, sexy. Think back to these times – what were the circumstances? What did you notice about yourself that made you feel especially pleased? Or what did you notice someone else noticing about you? Focus on these things as a basis, and once you have a strong foundation in these things you can build from there. Personally, one part of my body that I’m particularly fond of is my chest and belly area. I’m not buff by any stretch of the imagination, more slim and fairly smooth, but I like the way my body looks. So that’s what I focus on when I look in the mirror. When I look down in the shower, I take a moment to appreciate that part of myself. In my most recent sexcapade I caught sight of my legs from a particularly flattering position – over someone else’s shoulders while they were going down on me, hard to see how anyone could have low self-confidence in that situation really – and since then I’ve been giving my legs a bit more attention too. That may have gone slightly awry when I tried to use hair-removal cream on them which had, er, patchy results at best, but it’s a work in progress.
On the topic of one night stands, external validation is also a brilliant tool to building your self-image. I know we hear a lot that “you shouldn’t need someone else’s approval” to feel good or whatever, and that if you feel confident in yourself then that’s fine; and if you do, then it is. But what if you don’t? There’s nothing wrong with enjoying being checked out or flirted with or taken home by someone; some of the times in my life when I’ve felt sexiest and most self-confident is during the walk of shame (misnomer if ever there was one).
So, the bottom line here, is to work out what it is that makes you feel sexy, and focus on that. Blow it up to ridiculous proportions if you have to. Focus on it so much that it’s all you can see, if you have to. Just try not to get big-headed about it. And be consistent – to go back to my friend’s comment about sexy underwear, if wearing sexy underwear is a part of feeling sexy for you (or no underwear at all, whatever works) as it is for me, do that and do it consistently. ONLY wear sexy underwear. I only ever wear underwear that I feel sexy in; there’s no reason you shouldn’t feel as sexy in Tesco or Barnes and Noble or Fnac as you do in a club or bar. After all, you never know who you might bump into!!