Know what’s really not a good idea? Agreeing to go for a drink with the person you know isn’t interested in you, on Valentine’s day evening.
Actually the fact that it was Valentine’s day didn’t change the way it was in the slightest. And by and large it was fine. But it’s the little things, you know?
“I shouldn’t say it. It’s not going to help the situation or make you feel any better”
“Probably not but now I’m curious, so you have to say it”
“It’s just that I really wish I did like you that way…”
Though actually it does, in a bizarre way, make me feel a fair bit better. I’m framing it (there goes that NLP again) as ‘in every respect I’d be a great catch, but the spark’s not there’. And if the spark’s not there that’s something that can’t be helped, it’s no-one’s fault and if it becomes an issue for one party (as it has, for me, here) it’s no-one’s fault but my own really. I know it’s ridiculous that this attraction, which is almost entirely physical (apart from anything else we’d be a shit couple, we have almost nothing in common,) has even lasted so long. It’s a case of wanting what you can’t have and I’m acutely aware of that, and I know that I’m well on the way to having moved beyond it. I suppose this is just like that last rush of heat you get before you freeze to death? I can’t think of a better, less morbid simile than that, unfortunately, but you know what I mean? Or maybe better to say that it’s the darkest before dawn but that gives the wrong impression (not that freezing to death is the image I want to give either). It becomes more intense right before it’s over. Give it a fortnight and I’ll be able to look back on this and laugh.