Might as well start with a misadventure!
Actually no I should start with a disclaimer. THIS BLOG IS ABOUT SEX. If you don’t like reading about sex go away, and if you’re too young or it’s illegal to read about sex where you live, you shouldn’t be here.
I’m also really hungover. ANYWAY. Last night I was at a colleague’s flatwarming party – don’t ask me why they only got around to having it in December when they’ve lived there since August – and, since it’s Christmas and wine does terrible things to me, worse than spirits anyway, proceeded to get smashed.
And then things are a bit of a blur, but I found myself on the couch beside Green Jumper Man, hand up his jumper, playing with his nipples. Seemed like a good idea at the time. We pulled and since he lived very nearby we went back to his – skited on my arse for the first time in about five years and now have a ma-hoosive bruise on my backside for it. So we’re on the bed, naked, as one generally is in these situations and I went down on him to get the action started… and after a good five minutes it was still lying there limp. Limply. Whatever. It wasn’t up anyway. Then he gets up to go to the bathroom so I, in my infinite drunken wisdom, got dressed and just left – even found his keys to unlock the door, which actually I think I left open.
I got back to the party I’d just left and the night continued as normal, I think – like I say I was wrecked – but then when I was leaving with another acquaintance who lives not far from me I realised my bag was nowhere to be found. Three guesses where I’d left it?
So if you’re reading this, Green Jumper Man, a couple of notes for you. 1) While I’m not in the habit of walking out on people I’m also not in the habit of not making people hard, so I still kind of feel justified. 2) Hope you didn’t get robbed when I left the door open and 3) if you still have my bag PLEASE get in touch! My glasses are in it!!