Posts Tagged polysexuality

Collared

Obviously I’m posting this after it was drafted but I decided not to edit it other than to put links in, because seeing how my mind works while very sleep deprived is quite interesting. 

I’m having the bizarre experience of writing this post while drinking a (terrible) latte on a ferry between two time zones, at either ten to one or ten to two in the morning depending on whose time zone I choose to believe I’m in. There’s no internet in the middle of the ocean, as it turns out, so when I’ll actually get to post this is anyone’s guess but I wanted to write it while it was still fairly fresh in my memory.

Because I was going away (hence being on the ferry), the Boyfriend came over for a couple of nights starting on Thursday, since both of us were off university on Friday. He got to mine quite late on Thursday night due to public transport issues/his own disorganisation (if you’re reading this, no offence but you know it as well as I do) and so we went to bed not long after he got in, had a cuddle and a chat and some oral before going to sleep.

We spent the day in each other’s company on Friday and went to the cinema in the evening to see Cloud Atlas (I highly recommend it, by the way), came home where I made him dinner and then went to bed for some fun.

I wrote before about how the Boyfriend is a switch in terms of Dominance/submission, and also that I’d never really explored that before now but had had a go at dominating him a little. This time it was his turn and being more experienced than me, he really went for it. All I can say is wow. I’m not even sure how it happened, we were in bed being silly and the next thing I knew I was on my back in my underwear with a collar round my neck and his cock in my mouth, but I got really into the role. He tied my hands behind my back, hit me with a belt, I wasn’t even “allowed” to talk and the idea of this sort of stuff has always freaked me out but it was amazing. It was mostly oral – me on him, be it on my knees on front of him or on my back with him essentially facefucking me, before he made me wank myself off/him taking over when he felt like it, slapping me every 30 seconds until I came on my stomach – one of the top five orgasms of my life, easily, not that I’m in the habit of ranking these things – followed quickly by him on my face and in my mouth. Eye contact the whole time right until the end and some very intense kissing.

Like I said, I’m not even sure how it really happened, there was something almost hypnotic about being in that submissive role. I found there was something quite satisfying and, ironically, freeing about having my focus 100% on someone else’s pleasure rather than my own, on being there for someone other than myself. Of course the idea scared me beforehand, but I think one reason I’ve never explored this sort of stuff before has been a lack of trust. Most of my sexual encounters so far in life, as you’re all very aware, have been one-offs with people I don’t really know and so it’s hard to (sanely and safely) allow yourself to be vulnerable around them, but with the Boyfriend, it’s different because I do trust him, completely.

After we both came and I was coming back to my senses he held me and cuddled me and spoke to me about it, asked what I’d liked and if there was anything I would have wanted him to do differently, additionally, or not at all, and then he got me some water and fed me chocolate. Apparently the cuddle and chat is fairly common practice in Dom/sub relationships to avoid something called “sub drop”, which is a new concept to me but it makes sense. It’s apparently a sort of post-coital depression experienced by submissives, I’m not sure the exact reasoning behind it happening (and no internet to find out though when I do get access to it I plan to do an awful lot of reading on this because it’s quite interesting, I think) but I think it might have to do with the rational mind after sex having a feeling of being used by a top, which I suppose happens and it makes sense that that would be a bit of a downer. It’s probably like the comedown you get the morning after drugs except without the shakes and altered perception of reality.

But so far, no sub drop. I felt great afterwards, I was really enthusiastic and I really can’t wait to do it again. Our pre-emptive cuddle and chat also involved the exchange of a certain four-letter word we’re all familiar with, which probably also helped to alleviate any potential “drop” in my mood. The only drop I’m experiencing now is the sadness at being halfway to a different country and consequently being further away than usual from him and not being able to phone him without bankrupting myself. However, the upside of this is that I get to see a friend I haven’t seen for over three years, and this trip will also potentially get my foot in the door to working where I’ve wanted to work since I was 14. (I’m turning 23 in a couple of months).

Expect more writing about Dom/sub experiences from me over the next few weeks though, I’m very excited about getting to have more experience with this sort of thing and learn more about this topic which I’m shockingly ignorant about as a sex-positivist. Can’t wait!

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Boyfriended, Open Relationship (Terms and conditions apply)

Adorable Bastard has had his title upgraded now to The Boyfriend. Yep, you heard it here first (unless we’re friends on Facebook), Dexxx is no longer single. Weird, n’est-ce pas? So how did this come about? It was me who was unsure as to where I stood after our last conversation and things still felt a bit up in the air, so I asked him outright – “What do I call you when I’m talking about you to other people? This Guy I’m Seeing seems a bit long winded…” and we settled on boyfriend.

You should all know me well enough by now though to know that this isn’t your conventional couple-type relationship. Back in the very, very early days of this blog I wrote about non-monogamous relationships and the negotiations surrounding them, from the perspective of someone who’d never actually done any of that. You can read the post here, and actually what’s described in there is more or less exactly what happened both in our initial “what is this?” conversation and in a couple of others since then. It was all amazingly straightforward (because The Boyfriend is a reasonable human being and we both share the belief that being honest about your desires is probably the best way to get them and being up-front about your concerns is likely the best way to avoid problems later on), actually, though just because I’m using the past tense there doesn’t mean that these negotiations are over – everything is always up for open discussion at any time, as it should be.

The agreement, then, is this. Both of us can, guilt-free, hook up and have sex with other people (as long as that person isn’t in a monogamous relationship themself); to this end I still have my grindr profile active but it does now clearly state on there that all I want is NSA, which brings me to point two. While sex with others is okay, dates involving other people are not – no going out for drinks/dinner/coffee with other people, because that – to me, anyway – suggests romance and emotional involvement which is not what we’re going for here. Terms of endearment, cuddles and affection stay between the two of us, anything else is Just Sex. This probably in theory (though isn’t something I’m too worried about in practice as I don’t tend to get a lot of repeat performances anyway) also means not sleeping with the same person more than a few times, because that also is likely to end up having some sort of emotional string attached to it. Weirdly – or maybe this isn’t weird, you tell me – that’s the side of things where I’m more likely to view something as cheating or betrayal; have sex with other people all you want, that doesn’t bother me. But don’t spoon them all night and make them pancakes in the morning, or go for coffee with them and ruffle their hair or call them darling. All in all, it’s an arrangement which I’m very very happy with and he seems to be too, so long may it continue.

(It should also go without saying that we’re vigilant about safety and I have a seemingly endless supply of condoms and about half a litre of lube at the ready whenever it’s called for. This also means telling one another what we’ve done, when and with whom so we can decide what we feel comfortable doing with one another in terms of keeping ourselves safe.)

We’re having a lot of fun in bed and out of it. I’m getting to explore my dominant side a little which until now has been quite dormant, which I’m really enjoying, and means I get to put the collar I bought when I was visiting Magenta to good use. Bite marks, scratches and bruises are all kept below the neck though. We’ve yet to actually tie one another up but I’m looking forward to that happening!

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Home Again

I don’t really consider where I’m living just now to be “home” (KittyMama once told me, “Don’t take this the wrong way, Dexxx, but you don’t really have a home”, which is true though some places I’ve spent time in feel a lot more like home than others), but I’m not sure how else to describe my return from visiting Magenta. Firstly though, some back story.

I’ve mentioned in the passing before how much time I waste on Tumblr, it being my social network and procrastination tool of choice. Towards the end of the summer I started following a guy with the initial T who is quite tumblr-famous in his niche, and talking on skype; and a couple of months later, started following his (now ex-)boyfriend, C. Though the former lives not too nearby and we’ve never met, his now ex had not long moved to the city next to this one, and so in December when I was going on a night out in that city, I invited C along. We’ve stayed in touch and hung out a lot since then, and a few weeks ago he split up with T.

I think it’s fair to say – though C, since he reads this, will no doubt correct me if I’m wrong – that even before the break up it was a bit of a foregone conclusion that he and I would end up hooking up at some point. I think I probably realised this over the Christmas holidays when I got a text off him and started smiling stupidly in that way that you smile when you get a text from someone you like (it hadn’t occurred to me at this stage really) and, as he and T were still together at the time, immediately thought oh no. Anyway. My flight back from seeing Magenta last Thursday was to his city (mine doesn’t have an airport) and wasn’t due to arrive until quite late so I’d asked him before I went whether if I missed my last train back, it would be okay to stay at his. He told me that was fine and that since he didn’t have anything on on Friday, why not just plan to stay at his that night and save myself the stress of running for a train I would have in all likelihood missed anyway? Cast-iron logic, there, so I agreed and on Thursday night he met me at the train station and we went back to his.

It must have been around midnight by the time we got there, but I was still too wired from flying to be anywhere near sleepy and probably also jumped up on the excitement of the week away. It might sound weird, but right up until it happened, I really wasn’t sure whether it was going to or not. “Maybe I’ve totally misread this situation,” I thought, “maybe this really is just a platonic thing” but then he kissed me and those thoughts went out the window. We didn’t have sex that night, though. We kissed, we cuddled, we spooned all night, but didn’t have sex. And in the morning, he made me pancakes, earning him the title of Adorable Bastard.

He had been planning to come to my city for an event on the Friday night but it turns out he had the wrong month (yes really), so I ended up staying on Friday night too – we watched the 1989 Batman film, which I’d never seen but actually really enjoyed, and drank wine, and went to his students’ union for a bit

fridaynight
That night while tipsy he asked if I wanted to spend Saturday night there as well, and I tentatively accepted, but the next day checked whether the offer still was valid in the cold and sober light of day. Luckily it was, and we spent most of the morning in bed before going to the city centre to a café that we pretty much always go to whenever I’m in town; had some cake and coffee, I briefly met Tigger who was in town with some other friends; and went back to his for some more fooling around in bed. Until this point in the weekend we’d limited ourselves to hands and faces, but that night we had penetrative sex for the first time. He’s an exclusive top (in terms of who’s putting what into whom, but a switch in terms of dominance/submission which made for some quite interesting dynamics I’d never explored the following weekend, which is another story for another day) and as you probably know by now my experiences of bottiming are mixed at best but luckily he was one of the ones with whom it just worked, straight away. Maybe because I was very relaxed around him already, I dunno. He takes a really long time to cum, but with it being a weekend and having nothing urgent to do, it was nice to take the time and have a longer, more intimate session rather than the usual rushed experience with people from hookup sites or Grindr.

We saw each other this weekend too – again, another story for another blog – and again, it was cute, and lovely. We’ve had a sort of “what is this, what are we” type conversation already and the conclusion was, “no proverbial white picket fence, but when time is free come on round… together when we’re together” and that sleeping with other people is fine, as long as we’re both open about it and know what we need to know to keep ourselves safe (which, though this wasn’t mentioned was at least implied, includes protection from emotional damage as well as from STIs). So there we go, let’s see where this one takes us!

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Visiting Magenta, part 2!

The next day was Saturday, and Magenta and I had a fairly quiet day in the house not doing an awful lot but hanging out in pleasant company. That night was the concert from a band we both really love, Jennifer Rostock (video from the concert, not taken by me, at the bottom of the post!). It was a really enjoyable concert, there was a lot of audience interaction and getting people on the stage and they played for a good while, though I forget quite how long they were on stage for. The keyboardist at one point – appropriately just before they did a mash-up of Lady Gaga’s Born This Way and perennial Eurovision schlager hit Er Gehört zu Mir - proposed to his boyfriend on stage, in front of three and a half thousand people (and to the surprise of even the rest of the band members, one of whom cried). Of course, his boyfriend accepted – you’d have to be a real bastard to say no in front of that many people, I suppose, though by the same token you’d have to be pretty damn certain that your other half was going to say yes before you pulled a stunt like that!

Following on from the concert, we went to another sex party, but oh dear, this one was not good. Really not good. Imagine what someone really reserved might picture when the phrase “sex party” comes up – it really was a bar full largely of creepy old men and women, and we stayed for less than ten minutes. They annoyingly still charged us full price for entry though, the staff were really not very friendly. I don’t recommend this one (though annoyingly I can’t tell you specifically where it was because I can’t remember the street name. The nearest U-Bahn Station to it is Görlitzer Bahnhof, if that’s any help to you).

On the Monday night (I know, who goes out on a Monday?) we went to a karaoke bar. I know what you’re thinking but wait no, it was actually quite cool. There were maybe a dozen or so booths that could fit various numbers of people in them, and each booth had its own karaoke system installed so you could just stay in a booth with your friends all night if you wanted – and six nights of the week, that’s what people do, you book a booth and pay by the hour. On Monday though, they have their what they call “multiSEXualBOXhopping”, so essentially a queer night in a karaoke bar and you could pop in and out of other peoples’ booths as much as you liked and sing along! Such fun!

I love this series.

On Tuesday evening, we visited another sex shop –  a queer, feminist, organic, vegan sex shop. Is there anything more Berlin? It’s called Other Nature and I’d really encourage you to check it out if you’re in the area, the people are very cool and they have a lot of interesting stuff!  Anyway we were there not only to peruse their many organic sex toys and leather free whips, but also because a friend of Magenta’s was holding a bondage for beginners workshop there that night. Now, I’ve never done bondage before, and I didn’t think it was the kind of thing that I was into, but I thought since I had the chance I might as well have a crack at the whip, as it were, since there was a professional there to show me the ropes (I’m so good at puns! Ha). It was a short workshop – only two hours – where she first spoke about different types of ropes and then showed a basic type of tying up that can be used on a variety of body parts and which was surprisingly easy to learn. I’m actually quite keen to get to try some of it out in the bedroom now and see what fun can be had with a tied up person/while tied. Of course, because of the risks and vulnerability involved, I’m not going to do that with someone I don’t know very well or don’t trust intimately (in both senses of the word), so when I will get to try that out is another question. (That said, I do have a person in mind but that’s another story for Friday).

After the workshop, we went for a coffee with the woman who ran it, her boyfriend (or maybe husband, I’m not sure… anyway they’re polyamorous and have been together for years and years and are, I think, a good example of making an open relationship work), and a friend of Magenta’s. As I was chatting with the woman who ran it she commented that she hoped I hadn’t found it too basic having done bondage before. “What? No, I’ve never tried it before, this was my first time”. She raised her eyebrows while taking a drag on her cigarette. “Really?” (Exhalation of smoke) “It looked like you knew what you were doing, your knots looked really good”. So there we go, I’m a natural at tying people up, it would seem.

All good things, as we know, must come to an end, but not without a proper goodbye party; so on Wednesday night Magenta and I, along with her friend from the day before, decided to hit the dancefloor of Schwuz. From the outside it looks just like a big café which turns into a bar at night – but right at the back, down a staircase and small maze of corridors (and I almost mean that literally), you come to the main part of the club which is huge and a bit hard to describe, really – two dancefloors each playing different sorts of music, separated by a large atrium with the cloakroom and, inexplicably, a ping pong table. Maybe because it was midweek and their drinks menu only showed weekend prices, or maybe because the bar staff were badly trained (or maybe I’m just that charming with my broad grin and shoddy German), but I was consistently undercharged for prosecco the whole night which meant I got quite tipsy, quite quickly, though I wasn’t in a particularly bad state and remember almost everything. Schwuz was a really fun night, and the guys! Ufft! It was like the masculine equivalent of the sex party I described in my last post, except with far far more people. Unfortunately, as with House of Shame, a lot of them were on drugs and one, who was there when we arrived and I spotted immediately, ended up in such a bad state that he passed out in a hallway, paramedics were called and he had to be defibrillated. Seriously, quite scary, but the party went on anyway.

And the next day, I left. It was really sad leaving behind Magenta, and the city which I love like home; and coming back to the place I currently live, which I’ll freely admit is probably the place I’ve lived that I like the least since leaving home in 2007. I had a bit of a cry on the plane, but recovered myself in time for landing which is probably just as well because, as it turns out, I had quite a busy weekend ahead of me – again, that’s a story for Friday! I’ll leave you now with two videos from the concert we were at; one of my favourite songs that band sings, and the marriage proposal (it’s worth a watch even if you don’t understand German, just to see how the band reacted; you can more or less tell what’s going on at each point by the way the crowd/band cheer).


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Submissive Sunday: My First Sex Party, or Meeting Bondage Girl

Three guesses where this person lives!!

Last summer I was outside camping with some friends. We were almost in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by big trees right next to our tent and next to an open field. Somehow I ended up in my friend’s tent (which is a whole other story to write about) and we had barely fallen asleep when the wind started kicking in. Normally I’m not afraid of thunderstorms but this one was right over us. The lightning came right along with some earth shattering thunder.

It was like Noah’s perfect day to take his new ark out for a ride – Armageddon LIVE! – and I think for the first time in my life I was really aware that nature is so much more powerful than we humans and that if we don’t take good care of ourselves we could end up dead…

“But I don’t want to die!!”, I thought to myself followed by the first next thought that came to my mind….”I need to have more sex!!!”. I don’t know if you ever had the feeling that this might be IT. But I figured that the “I need to have more sex” thing was definitely something that needed to be realized ASAP!

So obviously we all didn’t die, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to write this story but I didn’t forget about my “God’s given ‘vision’ “

Since I am so not into the whole “let’s go out dancing, get drunk and find someone to have sex with”-thing and I am also not really into having sex as a straight woman – I was hunting around for places where my queer self would be much appreciated AND I could have sex (also, there is a slightly higher chance of running into men in woman’s underwear at queer sex parties than in an ordinary club ;-))

Luckily I live in one the the world’s most artsy and colourful cities, so there are countless possibilities to find a good sex party: straight, lesbian, gay, queer, BDSM, trans*, role play, with and without playing dirty (maybe the term “golden shower” rings a bell) leather fetish….we even have several locations which offer special “playgrounds”, meaning you find cages, crosses, stretching banks as well as whips, riding crops and bondage gear. As I always say: we live in paradise. It’s right there in front of your eyes, you just have to look around and view it. (As Willy Wonka likes to sing….I have a chocolate fetish by the way, but then who doesn’t ;-))

Off I went to my first sex party which luckily somehow was almost right next to my place, so even as I wanted to chicken out there were no excuses like “but it’s too far, I’m too tired, it’s raining”. I decided to go for a “no underwear, nylons, mini-skirt and minor-see-through shirt along some with heels” – outfit.

It was a party for women, lesbians and trans* which also offered a short bondage workshop in the beginning – something that I  always have been curious about.

The place itself looked like a “playground for adults”. As I walked down the stairs I found myself in the arousing world of leather swings, cages and gynaecologist chairs – so hot! Very happy about this newly found universe in the city, I was literally gliding upstairs, flying by the bar straight into another room in the backside of the club.

Comfy, wide imitation leather couches were waiting for their horny guests.

The woman who was offering the bondage workshop gave the female crowd an overview about the basic rules for tying someone up nicely and even more important: safely! (Note: always have a pair of scissors handy.) I was so excited about learning about different ropes and knots to fiercely dominate and tie up the next person who would be remotely submissive, but after several demonstrations of different knots (and a very long working day) my brain was one big knot itself and couldn’t remember anything that it just had been taught. So there went my fantasy…

So I bravely volunteered to play the submissive part as we got to practise on each other. In walks – as I like to call her – Bondage Girl. Tall, athletic body, short blond hair (and a very stylish haircut! I am a sucker for stylish haircuts!), green eyes…”So…you want to be tied up?!”…rope in her hands…

I huddled up in my short skirt and nylons thinking: “I’m not wearing a thong…now everyone is gonna see my…ah…right! Sex Party…! Exhibtionist mode on…!” (not that it’s ever off)-

Bondage Girl straightens out the rope… it gently glides around my ankles winding its way up my each leg like a snail… smoothly moving the soft nylon on my skin…

“Shall I go on and tie you up even more? I am in the mood to experiment…” Experiment away!

The rope continues its journey around my hands which are now safely secured in a praying position in front of my chest. Each time she makes a knot she pulls the rope gently but firmly, leaving no doubt that she’s in control. She takes my shackled hands, puts them behind my head and starts sliding the rope around my chest…there is no way to move my hand from the back of my head. She loops the rope around each breast continuing making smaller knots on my sternum…then she pulls the whole art work on my sternum towards her…It’s like 10 pairs of hands touching you everywhere of your body, luring you with the sweet gentle touch of a lover and leaving you with the feeling of being someone’s prey…

I never thought I would enjoy receiving bondage, leaving me wanting more. In my personal life and in my life as woman who runs her own business I am quite the doer. So of course it first felt like the obvious and natural thing to be the one to “do” (give) bondage to a play partner. WRONG! It was somehow not only arousing but also very relaxing to for one moment NOT be the one to “pull the strings”.

Guess you never know until you try ;-)

After this night I ran into the woman who was offering the bondage workshop during a female porn award party (GOD! I love my colourful artsy hometown!) and I kind of started seeing her. Since she obviously is into giving bondage it naturally led to being “tied up” during another sex party where I also had a fierce “foreplay” with a gorgeous trans* in woman’s underwear, suspenders, nylons and high heels…but that’s another story…

In case you are getting curious yourself about going to a sex party – here are some tips.

Things you want to check before going to a sex party and while you are there:

- Check with people who already have been there if it is a safe place for you to be there – what were their experiences like? (I did ask the owner and well known sex-positive activist in my favourite sex shop for women and trans* as well as  people from the queer community)

- Know what you like or would like to experience and were your borders are. Being tiet up might be a lot of pleasure for one person but sheer horror for another.

- ALWAYS PLAY SAFE!!!!! If you are going to a sex party there should be free access to condoms, dental dams and gloves as well as lubricant. If you have small hands like I do it might be a good idea to bring your own gloves in a smaller size since I mostly find gloves starting at a medium size at these parties. Of course this works, too, but if you are finger fucking someone – especially guys – the gloves tend to wrinkle up which can be a bit unpleasant for the other person. Also for fisting it’s important that the gloves fit perfectly well.

- For sanitary purposes there should be disinfection spray and wipes. All surfaces at the party should be able to be cleaned and disinfected. The playground should look and be left clean.

- The rules of the sex party should be printed out and visible to everyone. Read them! Normally the door men or woman or someone who has already been there will explain these rules to you and give you a tour through the location.

- Always check if it is ok to watch a sex scene. Of course you don’t just walk up to someone and ask during their play but normally people give hand signs or let you know if they don’t want you to watch. It’s always good to ask when you arrive at a party what the rules about watching a scene are.

-  If you are hearing the words “Help me, please help me!!!” it’s not necessarily a reason to rush over and “free” the other person. Especially at BDSM parties this can be part of the play. However each party has code words to ensure the safety. I mostly find the code words: green, yellow and red. Red usually is the term for “stop”. Make sure to know what the code words are BEFORE becoming intimate with someone. Talk to the other person about your code word for “stop” and know theirs.

- Get to know the person(s) you will have sex with BEFORE the actions starts. A good and healthy minded play partner will ask for your borders (“is there anything that you don’t want me to do?”) and might even check with you during the action when unsure. Since I am not of the quiet kind I had a very cute play partner ask “Is it ok what I am doing?” couple of times during our night of fun before s/he knew for sure I was (very!!!) fine ;-) For example: I like to be tied up and spanked but you don’t want the person to grab my feet – Might seem illogical, but it gives you an idea.

- If the person wants you to do something you haven’t tried before and you are curious but inexperienced: Let them know! They might be fine with it and teach you something new and exciting! However if you are not up for this particular new practise, just say “no”.

- The most important thing someone taught me at a sex party was: “You have to learn to say NO.” If someone wants to have sex with you but you don’t, it doesn’t mean that you have to say YES because you are at a sex party. NO it is! Also, if they are into something that crosses your healthy borders and you don’t feel comfortable with: NO!

Having sex is very intimate and you open yourself up to someone because you trust them. Always make sure you are and feel safe otherwise you will be left with some scars (not only physically but mentally) and you might end up paying a lot of money for a good therapist.

- Stay clean! Sex parties are definitely not the place to get drunk or take drugs of any kind. You want to be your sober self who is aware of what you are doing and what you are receiving. Though there are quite some drugs out there that can intensify the pleasures of sex I certainly would not take them with someone I don’t know.

- Be yourself! Be open about what you like. Dress like you feel like. One of the questions I get the most is: What to people wear during a sex party. Well, that depends on the party. If it’s a BDSM party I see a lot of leather gear. At a party for woman/lesbian I found a lot of tank tops and jeans, at a queer party I found people dressing from casual to half-naked-pink-butterfly-elf with glitter. Some are standing by the bar in their underwear, others have see-through tops, I like to go for short dresses and skirts without underwear and nylons…so it really depends on what you like! Don’t dress as someone you are not, try to find a way to express yourself through your outfit.

COME as you are ;-)

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Submissive Sunday: Don’t dream it – be it: Part 1 – Getting inspired

Keep an eye out for part two next week. There are some really interesting-sounding things coming up on Sundays, and if you feel like putting pen to paper (so to speak) drop me a like at triplexdexxx@gmail.com!

By “Magenta”

When I was about 15 years old I consciously started looking for guys on the street. Whenever I found someone that caught my eye my friends would always say “but he’s OBVIOUSLY gay! It’s written on his forehead!”
I went to a posh private school so I was surrounded by uptight teenagers wearing Ralph Lauren Polo Shirts, who were raised by there old-fashioned parents whereas I was living at a children’s home at the time. It was pretty much “Little Punkrock Girl vs. The establishment” person.
At the same time I also started fancying several singers of different bands who interestingly enough were all into wearing eye liner, putting some nail polish on and even going on stage in suspenders (Think of Ville Valo, singer of HIM in the video “Join me”. Ooooooft!).
But since all my school mates were brought up “nice and clean” there was zero possibilty of someone talking to me saying “oh, so you are…bi-sexual…lesbian….queer.” I think at the time I didn’t even know some of these words existed. Also it was the early 90’s so we didn’t have facebook, gay websites, queer blogs…nothing…even worse: NO INTERNET AT ALL!!!  This also meant: No googling your questions, key words or anything. (And no free porn either! How did I manage too survive?!!)
Then my openly gay music teacher thought that it might be a good idea for our class to perform “The Rocky Horror Picture Show” – The queer “Musical Extravaganza” which is all about stripping down your acquired limitations of how you express your sexuality and actually expressing….being what you dream about. To underline this theme there is the catchy song line “Don’t dream it – Be it” which gets repeated over and over in the end. “Be it” also includes openly coming out as gay, not identifying with your birth-gender aka being genderqueer and giving a crap whether your underwear should exclusively be worn by women.
So off we went to watch the whole thing on the school’s TV (I don’t know if that is actually legal for underage kids but thank GOD we did!).  Each of us got to choose a role afterwards. Since sadly I am in lack of a biological penis (luckily I now own a very pretty strap on version that expresses my male ego as well as matching my body colour)  I could not portray the part of the adorable, smokin’ Frank n Furter – the “Sweet Transvestite from transsexual Transilvania”. So my teacher gave me the role of Magenta – the loud, queer and crazy lunatic with smokey eyes, wearing a very short maids dress, showing off her suspenders (you might have noticed that I have a nylon fetish by now).
One of my best male friends P.  (think: a young Jude Law) ended up in a chair which we put on top of the teacher’s desk.
So far so good. Luckily I somehow had my suspenders with me, so we put my friend P. in them and of course I couldn’t help it putting some mascara and eyeliner on him. Think Jude Law in drag! Ooooooft!
3 Minutes later P. was up on the chair, on the teacher’s desk ready to perform as Frank n Furter, while my gay music teacher was giving instructions.
I will cherish this moment forever…
Suddenly the door to the classroom swings open and in paces the neat principle in his clean buttoned up suit.
SILENCE
About 10 Students were standing around looking a bit befuddled, the TV was showing a still frame of Frank n Furter and 2 of my best male friends were in underpants, one of them up on the teacher’s desk with make up and in women’s underwear…with the gay music teacher right next to their sides for the “final touches” ;-)
I think my music teacher was very lucky he didn’t get suspended given the fact that we all were underage.
And sadly somehow we never got to perform the Rocky Horror Show at our posh and expensive little private school…Strange…(just kidding)  But luckily we somehow all got to see “The Rocky Horror Show” live one stange while they were performing in my hometown.
Of course me and my 2 male friends got all dragged-up for the event: I leant them my suspenders and I got to wear my 12cm high plateau boots with my latex pants and my matching latex corset. So I linked arms with 2 hot guys in suspenders and make up – one to the left, one to the right and we felt like super-queer-glitter-rock-star-transvestites from transsexual Transylvania as we were strutting through the main entrance….
Up until this day I believe the hole “Rocky Horror experience” opened my eyes, my heart and other body parts to the queer universe of being your shiny-rainbow-glitter-self.
Weirdly enough this experience was then followed by almost 8 years living as a straight woman before I “came out” to myself.
(Darn you universe! Trapped in a female body when I want to live as a gay guy. But hey… the boobs are great!)
Also people telling me “but you will never find a guy who dresses in woman’s underwear who wants to have sex with a woman!” really didn’t help.
Well guess what: I did! Not only once, but twice during the last couple of months…and I will keep on finding them thanks to the power of the glitter-universe and my magic wand (aka  “strap on” in the world of queer)…so bend over boyfriends, female lovers and genderfucks….for there will be part 2 of this story of how, where and when I actually got to “be it”….
PS: In case you are wondering: Today my friend P. is a well paid medical doctor, wearing a Rolex watch and starchy shirts and he is very straight (A ZERO on the Kinsey scale if that rings a bell. If not try it on Google. It’s 2012 and you have access to the internet you lucky bitches, butches, dykes and divas!)

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Back in the Game

A few weeks ago I deleted my profile on a well-known same-sex hookup site but a couple of days ago I created a new one, just out of interest and to see whether I still hated it as much as I did when I left. I think I do but I want to give it a week to see.

I think that sites like this do have their place and can be fun and useful but at the same time, as I said before, oftentimes you’ll end up messaging someone back and forth for ages and when you suggest hooking up they either dismiss it or stop messaging you. I could understand people doing that if you started randomly messaging them about sex on, for example, Facebook, but this is a fucking “dating” site!

So we’ll see how long I keep this profile for. Probably not very long but I do get a bit of an ego boost (Like I need one!) when I get rated 10/10 ;)

In other news I’ve decided I’m taking a leaf out of Sparkle’s book, almost literally; she recently released an eBook which came with a soundtrack which I thought was a brilliant idea; so I’ve gone back and added some songs that I think fit the post well to some of the more recent posts, and will hopefully be doing it more in future ones as well. I have terrible taste in music so should probably apologise for that up-front.

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